City Center Rosario comienza su minucioso plan de reapertura

Angélica Gorodischer - Three Stories [Translated by Lorraine Elena Roses and Marian Womack]

The Resurrection of the Flesh [Tr by Roses]

These first two tales published in Secret Weavers: Stories of the Fantastic by Women Writers of Argentina and Chile, edited by Marjorie Agosin (White Pine Press, 1992):
She was thirty-two, her name was Aurelia, and she had been married eleven years. One Saturday afternoon, she looked through the kitchen window at the garden and saw the four horsemen of the Apocalypse. Men of the world, those four horsemen of the Apocalypse. And good-looking. The first from the left was riding a sorrel horse with a dark mane. He was wearing white breeches, black boots, a crimson jacket, and a yellow fez with black pompoms. The second one had a sleeveless tunic overlaid with gold and violet and was barefoot. He was riding on the back of a plump dolphin. The third one had a respectable, black beard, trimmed at right angles. He had donned a gray Prince of Wales suit, white shirt, blue tie and carried a black leather portfolio. He was seated on a folding chair belted to the back of white-haired dromedary. The fourth one made Aurelia smile and realize that they were smiling at her. He was riding a black and gold Harley-Davidson 1200 and was wearing a white helmet and dark goggles and had long, straight, blond hair flying in the wind behind him. The four were riding in the garden without moving from the spot. They rode and smiled at her and she watched them through the kitchen window.
In that manner, she finished washing the two teacups, took off her apron, arranged her hair and went to the living room.
"I saw the four horsemen of the Apocalypse in the garden," she told her husband.
"I'll bet," he said without raising his eyes from his paper.
"What are you reading?" Aurelia asked.
"I said they were given a crown and a sword and a balance and power."
"Oh, right," said her husband.
And after that a week went by as all weeks do--very slowly at first and very quickly toward the end--and on Sunday morning, while she made the coffee, she again saw the four horsemen of the Apocalypse in the garden, but when she went back to the bedroom she didn't say anything to her husband.
The third time she saw them, one Wednesday, alone, in the afternoon, she stood looking at them for a half hour and finally, since she had always wanted to fly in a yellow and red dirigible; and since she had dreamed about being an opera singer, an emperor's lover, a co-pilot to Icarus; since she would have liked to scale black cliffs, laugh at cannibals, traverse the jungles on elephants with purple trappings, seize with her hands the diamonds that lay hidden in mines, preside in the nude over a parade of nocturnal monsters, live under water, domesticate spiders, torture the powerful of the earth, rob trains in the tunnels of the Alps, set palaces on fire, lie in the dark with beggars, climb on the bridges of all the ships in the world; finally--since it was sadly sterile to be a rational and healthy adult--finally, that Wednesday afternoon alone, she put on the long dress she had worn at the last New Year's party given by the company where her husband was assistant sales manager and went out to the garden. The four horsemen of the Apocalypse called her, the blond one on the Harley-Davidson gave her his hand and helped her up onto the seat behind him, and there they went, all five, raging into the storm and singing.
Two days later her husband gave in to family pressure and reported the disappearance of his wife.
"Moral: madness is a flower aflame," said the narrator. Or in other words, it's impossible to inflame the dead, cold, viscous, useless, and sinful ashes of common sense.

The Perfect Married Woman

If you meet her on the street, cross quickly to the other side and quicken your pace. She’s a dangerous lady. She’s about forty or forty-five, has one married daughter and a son working in San Nicolas; her husband’s a sheet-metal worker. She rises very early, sweeps the sidewalk, sees her husband off, cleans, does the wash, shops, cooks. After lunch she watches television, sews or knits, irons twice a week, and at night goes to bed late. On Saturdays she does a general cleaning and washes windows and waxes the floors. On Sunday mornings she washes the clothes her son brings home—his name is Nestor Eduardo—she kneads dough for noodles or ravioli, and in the afternoon either her sister-inlaw comes to visit or she goes to her daughter’s house. It’s been a long time since she’s been to the movies, but she reads TV Guide and the police report in the newspaper. Her eyes are dark and her hands are rough and her hair is starting to go gray. She catches cold frequently and keeps a photo album in a dresser drawer along with a black crepe dress with lace collar and cuffs.
Her mother never hit her. But when she was six, she got a spanking for coloring on a door, and she had to wash it off with a wet rag. While she was doing it, she thought about doors, all doors, and decided that they were very dumb because they always led to the same places. And the one she was cleaning was definitely the dumbest of all, the one that led to her parents’ bedroom. She opened the door and then it didn’t go to her parents’ bedroom but to the Gobi desert. She wasn’t surprised that she knew it was the Gobi desert even though they hadn’t even taught her in school where Mongolia was and neither she nor her mother nor her grandmother had ever heard of Nan Shan or Khangai Nuru.
She stepped through the door, bent over to scratch the yellowish grit and saw that there was no one, nothing, and the hot wind tousled her hair, so she went back through the open door, closed it and kept on cleaning. And when she finished, her mother grumbled a little more and told her to wash the rag and take the broom to sweep up that sand and clean her shoes. That day she modified her hasty judgment about doors, though not completely, at least not until she understood what was going on.
What had been going on all her life and up until today was that from time to time doors behaved satisfactorily, though in general they were still acting dumb and leading to dining rooms, kitchens, laundry rooms, bedrooms and offices even in the best of circumstances. But two months after the desert, for example, the door that every day led to the bath opened onto the workshop of a bearded man dressed in a long uniform, pointed shoes, and a cap that tilted on one side of his head. The old man’s back was turned as he took something out of a highboy with many small drawers behind a very strange, large wooden machine with a giant steering wheel and screw, in the midst of cold air and an acrid smell. When he turned around and saw her he began to shout at her in a language she didn’t understand.
She stuck out her tongue, dashed out the door, closed it, opened it again, went into the bathroom and washed her hands for lunch.
Again, after lunch, many years later, she opened the door of her room and walked into a battlefield. She dipped her hands in the blood of the wounded and dead and pulled from the neck of a cadaver a crucifix that she wore for a long time under high-necked blouses or dresses without plunging necklines. She now keeps it in a tin box underneath the nightgowns with a brooch, a pair of earrings and a broken wristwatch that used to belong to her mother-in-law. In the same way, involuntarily and by chance, she visited three monasteries, seven libraries, and the highest mountains in the world, and who knows how many theaters, cathedrals, jungles, refrigeration plants, dens of vice, universities, brothels, forests, stores, submarines, hotels, trenches, islands, factories, palaces, hovels, towers and hell.
She’s lost count and doesn’t care; any door could lead anywhere and that has the same value as the thickness of the ravioli dough, her mother’s death, and the life crises that she sees on TV and reads about in TV Guide.
Not long ago she took her daughter to the doctor, and seeing the closed door of a bathroom in the clinic, she smiled. She wasn’t sure because she can never be sure, but she got up and went to the bathroom. However, it was a bathroom; at least there was a nude man in a bathtub full of water. It was all very large, with a high ceiling, marble floor and decorations hanging from the closed windows. The man seemed to be asleep in his white bathtub, short but deep, and she saw a razor on a wrought iron table with feet decorated with iron flowers and leaves and ending in lion’s paws, a razor, a mirror, a curling iron, towels, a box of talcum powder and an earthen bowl with water. She approached on tiptoe, retrieved the razor, tiptoed over to the sleeping man in the tub and beheaded him. She threw the razor on the floor and rinsed her hands in the lukewarm bathtub water. She turned around when she reached the clinic corridor and spied a girl going into the bathroom through the other door. Her daughter looked at her.
“That was quick.”
“The toilet was broken,” she answered.
A few days afterward, she beheaded another man in a blue tent at night. That man and a woman were sleeping mostly uncovered by the blankets of a low, king-size bed, and the wind beat around the tent and slanted the flames of the oil lamps. Beyond it there would be another camp, soldiers, animals, sweat, manure, orders and weapons. But inside there was a sword by the leather and metal uniforms, and with it she cut off the head of the bearded man. The woman stirred and opened her eyes as she went out the door on her way back to the patio that she had been mopping.
On Monday and Thursday afternoons, when she irons shirt collars, she thinks of the slit necks and the blood, and she waits. If it’s summer she goes out to sweep a little after putting away the clothing and until her husband arrives. If it’s windy she sits in the kitchen and knits. But she doesn’t always find sleeping men or staring cadavers. One rainy morning, when she was twenty, she was at a prison, and she made fun of the chained prisoners; one night when the kids were kids and were all living at home, she saw in a square a disheveled woman looking at a gun but not daring to take it out of her open purse. She walked up to her, put the gun in the woman’s hand and stayed there until a car parked at the corner, until the woman saw a man in gray get out and look for his keys in his pocket, until the woman aimed and fired. And another night while she was doing her sixth grade geography homework, she went to look for crayons in her room and stood next to a man who was crying on a balcony. The balcony was so high, so far above the street, that she had an urge to push him to hear the thud down below, but she remembered the orographic map of South America and was about to leave. Anyhow, since the man hadn’t seen her, she did push him and saw him disappear and ran to color in the map so she didn’t hear the thud, only the scream. And in an empty theater, she made a fire underneath the velvet curtain; in a riot she opened the cover to a basement hatchway; in a house, sitting on top of a desk, she shredded a two-thousand-page manuscript; in a clearing of a forest she buried the weapons of the sleeping men; in a river she opened the floodgates of a dike.
Her daughter’s name is Laura Inés, her son has a fiancée in San Nicolás and he’s promised to bring her over on Sunday so she and her husband can meet her. She has to remind herself to ask her sister-in-law for the recipe for orange cake, and Friday on TV is the first episode of a new soap opera. Again, she runs the iron over the front of the shirt and remembers the other side of the doors that are always carefully closed in her house, that other side where the things that happen are much less abominable than the ones we experience on this side, as you can easily understand.

The Unmistakable Smell of Wood Violets [Tr by Womack]

Translated for the first time in Ann and Jeff Vandermeer's Big Book of Science Fiction (Vintage, 2016):
The news spread fast. It would be correct to say that the news moved like a flaming trail of gunpowder, if it weren't for the fact that at this point in our civilization gunpowder was archaeology, ashes in time, the stuff of legend, nothingness. However, it was because of the magic of our new civilization that the news was known all over the world, practically instantaneously.
"Oooh!" the tsarina said.
You have to take into account that Her Gracious and Most Illustrious Virgin Majesty Ekaterina V, Empress of Holy Russia, had been carefully educated in the proper decorum befitting the throne, which meant that she would never have even raised an eyebrow or curved the corner of her lip, far less would she have made an interjection of that rude and vulgar kind. But not only did she say "Oooh!," she also got up and walked through the room until she reached the glass doors of the great balcony. She stopped there. Down below, covered by snow, Saint Leninburg was indifferent and unchanged, the city's eyes squinting under the weight of winter. At the palace, ministers and advisers were excited, on edge.
"And where is this place?" the tsarina asked.
And that is what happened in Russia, which is such a distant and atypical country. In the central states of the continent, there was real commotion. In Bolivia, in Paraguay, in Madagascar, in all the great powers, and in the countries that aspired to be great powers, such as High Peru, Iceland, or Morocco, hasty conversations took place at the highest possible level with knitted brows and hired experts. The strongest currencies became unstable: the guarani rose, the Bolivian peso went down half a point, the crown was discreetly removed from the exchange rates for two long hours, long queues formed in front of the exchanges in front of all the great capitals of the world. President Morillo spoke from the Oruro Palace and used the opportunity to make a concealed warning (some would call it a threat) to the two Peruvian republics and the Minas Gerais secessionist area. Morillo had handed over the presidency of Minas to his nephew, Pepe Morillo, who had proved to be a wet blanket whom everybody could manipulate, and now Morillo bitterly regretted his decision. Morocco and Iceland did little more than give their diplomats a gentle nudge in the ribs, anything to shake them into action, as they imagined them all to be sipping grenadine and mango juice in the deep south while servants in shiny black uniforms stood over them with fans.
The picturesque note came from the Independent States of North America. It could not have been otherwise. Nobody knew that all the states were now once again under the control of a single president, but that's how it was: some guy called Jack Jackson-Franklin, who had been a bit-part actor in videos, and who, aged eighty-seven, had discovered his extremely patriotic vocation of statesman. Aided by his singular and inexplicable charisma, and by his suspect family tree, according to which he was the descendent of two presidents who had ruled over the states during their glory days, he had managed to unify, at least for now, the seventy-nine northern states. Anyway, Mr. Jackson-Franklin said to the world that the Independent States would not permit such a thing to take place. No more, just that they would not permit such a thing to take place. The world laughed uproariously at this.
Over there, in the Saint Leninburg palace, ministers cleared their throats, advisers swallowed saliva, trying to find out if, by bobbing their Adam's apples up and down enough, they might be able to loosen their stiff official shirts.
"Ahem. Ahem. It's in the south. A long way to the south. In the west, Your Majesty."
"It is. Humph. Ahem. It is, Your Majesty, a tiny country in a tiny territory."
"It says that it is in Argentina," the tsarina said, still staring through the window but without paying any attention to the night as it fell over the snow-covered roofs and the frozen shores of the Baltic.
"Ah, yes, that's right, that's right, Your Majesty, a pocket republic."
Sergei Vasilievich Kustkarov, some kind of councilor and, what is more, an educated and sensible man, broke into the conversation.
"Several, Your Majesty, it is several."
And at last the tsarina turned around. Who cared a fig for the Baltic night, the snow-covered rooftops, the roofs themselves, and the city of which they were a part? Heavy silk crackled, starched petticoats, lace.
"Several of what, Councilor Kustkarov, several of what? Don't come to me with your ambiguities."
"I must say, Your Majesty, I had not the slightest intention--"
"Several of what?"
The tsarina looked directly at him, her lips held tightly together, her hands moving unceasingly, and Kustkarov panicked, as well he might.
"Rep-rep-republics, Your Majesty," he blurted out. "Several of them. Apparently, a long time ago, a very long time, it used to be a single territory, and now it is several, several republics, but their inhabitants, the people who live in all of them, all of the republics, are called, they call themselves, the people, that is, Argentinians."
The tsarina turned her gaze away. Kustkarov felt so relieved that he was encouraged to carry on speaking:
"There are seven of them, Your Majesty: Rosario, Entre dos Rios, Ladocta, Ona, Riachuelo, Yujujuy, and Labodegga."
The tsarina sat down.
"We must do something," she said.
Silence. Outside it was not snowing, but inside it appeared to be. The tsarina looked at the transport minister.
"This enters into your portfolio," she said.
Kustkarov sat down, magnificently. How lucky he was to be a councilor, a councilor with no specific duties. The transport minister, on the other hand, turned pale.
"I think, Your Majesty...," he dared to say.
"Don't think! Do something!"
"Yes, Your Majesty," the minister said, and, bowing, started to make his way to the door.
"Where do you think you're going?" the tsarina said, without moving her mouth or twitching an eyelid.
"I'm just, I'm going, I'm just going to see what can be done, Your Majesty."
There's nothing that can be done, Sergei Vasilievich thought in delight, nothing. He realized that he was not upset, but instead he felt happy. And on top of everything else a woman, he thought. Kustkarov was married to Irina Waldoska-Urtiansk, a real beauty, perhaps the most beautiful woman in all of Holy Russia. Perhaps he was being cuckolded; it would have been all too easy for him to find that out, but he did not want to. His thoughts turned in a circle: and on top of everything else a woman. He looked at the tsarina and was struck, not for the first time, by her beauty. She was not so beautiful as Irina, but she was magnificent.
In Rosario it was not snowing, not because it was summer, although it was, but because it never snowed in Rosario. And there weren't any palm trees: the Moroccans would have been extremely disappointed had they known, but their diplomats said nothing about the Rosario flora in their reports, partly because the flora of Rosario was now practically nonexistent, and partly because diplomats are supposed to be above that kind of thing.
Everyone who was not a diplomat, that is to say, everyone, the population of the entire republic that in the last ten years had multiplied vertiginously and had now reached almost two hundred thousand souls, was euphoric, happy, triumphant. They surrounded her house, watched over her as she slept, left expensive imported fruits outside her door, followed her down the street. Some potentate allowed her the use of a Ford 99, which was one of the five cars in the whole country, and a madman who lived in the Espinillos cemetery hauled water all the way up from the Pará lagoon and grew a flower for her which he then gave her.
"How nice," she said, then went on, dreamily, "Will there be flowers where I'm going?"
They assured her that there would be.
She trained every day. As they did not know exactly what it was she had to do to train herself, she got up at dawn, ran around the Independence crater, skipped, did some gymnastic exercises, ate little, learned how to hold her breath, and spent hours and hours sitting or curled into strange positions. She also danced the waltz. She was almost positive that the waltz was not likely to come in handy, but she enjoyed it very much.
Meanwhile, farther away, the trail of gunpowder had become a barrel of dynamite, although dynamite was also a legendary substance and didn't exist. The infoscreens in every country, whether poor or rich, central or peripheral, developed or not, blazed forth with extremely large headlines suggesting dates, inventing biographical details, trying to hide, without much success, their envy and confusion. No one was fooled:
"We have been wretchedly beaten," the citizens of Bolivia said.
"Who would have thought it," pondered the man on the Reykjavík omnibus.
The former transport minister of Holy Russia was off breaking stones in Siberia. Councilor Sergei Vasilievich Kustkarov was sleeping with the tsarina, but that was only a piece of low, yet spicy, gossip that has nothing to do with this story.
"We will not allow this to happen!" Mr. Jackson-Franklin blustered, tugging nervously at his hairpiece. "It is our own glorious history that has set aside for us this brilliant destiny! It is we, we and not this despicable banana republic, who are marked for this glory!"
Mr. Jackson-Franklin also did not know that there were no palm trees or bananas in Rosario, but this was due not to a lack of reports from his diplomats but rather a lack of diplomats. Diplomats are a luxury that a poor country cannot afford, and so poor countries often go to great pains to take offense and recall all the knights commanders and lawyers and doctors and even eventually the generals working overseas, in order to save money on rent and electricity and gas and salaries, not to mention the cost of the banquets and all the money in brown paper envelopes.
But the headlines kept on appearing on the infoscreens: "Argentinian Astronaut Claims She Will Reach Edge of Universe," "Sources Claim Ship Is Spaceworthy in Spite of or Because of Centuries-Long Interment," "Science or Catastrophe?," "Astronaut Not a Woman but a Transsexual" (this in the Imperialskaya Gazeta, the most puritan of the infoscreens, even more so than the Papal Piccolo Osservatore Lombardo), "Ship Launches," "First Intergalactic Journey in Centuries," "We Will Not Allow This to Happen!" (Portland Times).
She was dancing the waltz. She woke up with her heart thumping, tried out various practical hairstyles, ran, skipped, drank only filtered water, ate only olives, avoided spies and journalists, went to see the ship every day, just to touch it. The mechanics all adored her.
"It'll work, they'll see, it'll work," the chief engineer said defiantly.
Nobody contradicted him. No one dared say that it wouldn't.
It would make it, of course it would make it. Not without going through many incredible adventures on its lengthy journey. Lengthy? No one knew who Langevin was anymore, so no one was shocked to discover that his theory contradicted itself, ended up biting its own tail, and that however long the journey took, the observers would only perceive it as having lasted minutes. Someone called Cervantes, a very famous personage back in the early years of human civilization--it was still debated whether he had been a physicist, a poet, or a musician--had suggested a similar theory in one of his lost works.
One autumn dawn the ship took off from the Independence crater, the most deserted part of the whole desert republic of Rosario, at five forty-five in the morning. The exact time is recorded because the inhabitants of the country had all pitched in together to buy a clock, which they thought the occasion deserved (there was one other clock, in the Enclosed Convent of the Servants of Santa Rita de Casino, but because the convent was home to an enclosed order nothing ever went in or out of it, no news, no requests, no answers, no nothing). Unfortunately, they had not had enough money. But then someone had had the brilliant idea which had brought in the money they needed, and Rosario had hired out its army for parades in friendly countries: there weren't that many of them and the ones there were weren't very rich, but they managed to get the cash together. Anyone who was inspired by patriotism and by the proximity of glory had to see those dashing officers, those disciplined soldiers dressed in gold and crimson, protected by shining breastplates, capped off with plumed helmets, their catapults and pouches of stones at their waists, goose-stepping through the capital of Entre Dos Rios or the Padrone Giol vineyards in Labodegga, at the foot of the majestic Andes.
The ship blasted off. It got lost against the sky. Before the inhabitants of Rosario, their hearts in their throats and their eyes clouded by emotion, had time to catch their breath, a little dot appeared up there, getting bigger and bigger, and it was the ship coming back down. It landed at 06:11 on the same morning of that same autumn day. The clock that recorded this is preserved in the Rosario Historical Museum. It no longer works, but anyone can go and see it in its display cabinet in Room A of the Museum. In Room B, in another display case, is the so-called Carballensis Indentic Axe, the fatal tool that cut down all the vegetation of Rosario and turned the whole country into a featureless plain. Good and evil, side by side, shoulder to shoulder.
Twenty-six minutes on Earth, many years on board the ship. Obviously, she did not have a watch or a calendar with her: the republic of Rosario would not have been able to afford either of them. But it was many years, she knew that much.
Leaving the galaxy was a piece of cake. You can do it in a couple of jumps, everyone knows that, following the instructions that Albert Einsteinstein, the multifaceted violin virtuoso, director of sci-fi movies, and student of space-time, gave us a few hundred years back. But the ship did not set sail to the very center of the universe, as its predecessors had done in the great era of colonization and discovery; no, the ship went right to the edge of the universe.
Everyone also knows that there is nothing in the universe, not even the universe itself, which does not grow weaker as you reach its edge. From pancakes to arteries, via love, rubbers, photographs, revenge, bridal gowns, and power. Everything tends to imperceptible changes at the beginning, rapid change afterward; everything at the edge is softer and more blurred, as the threads start to fray from the center to the outskirts.
In the time it took her to take a couple of breaths, a breath and a half, over the course of many years, she passed through habitable and uninhabitable places, worlds which had once been classified as existent, worlds which did not appear and had never appeared and probably would never appear in any cartographical survey. Planets of exiles, singing sands, minutes and seconds in tatters, whirlpools of nothingness, space junk, and that's without even mentioning those beings and things, all of which stood completely outside any possibility of description, so much so that we tend not to perceive them when we look at them; all of this, and shock, and fear more than anything else, and loneliness. The hair grew gray at her temples, her flesh lost its firmness, wrinkles appeared around her eyes and her mouth, her knees and ankles started to act up, she slept less than before and had to half close her eyes and lean backward in order to make out the numbers on the consoles. And she was so tired that it was almost unbearable. She did not waltz any longer: she put an old tape into an old machine and listened and moved her gray head in time with the orchestra.
She reached the edge of the universe. Here was where everything came to an end, so completely that even her tiredness disappeared and she felt once again as full of enthusiasm as she had when she was younger. There were hints, of course: salt storms, apparitions, little brushstrokes of white against the black of space, large gaps made of sound, echoes of long-dead voices that had died giving sinister orders, ash, drums; but when she reached the edge itself, these indications gave way to space signage: "End," "You Are Reaching the Universe Limits," "The Cosmos General Insurance Company, YOUR Company, Says: GO NO FURTHER," "End of Protected Cosmonaut Space," etc., as well as the scarlet polygon that the OMUU had adopted to use as a sign for that's it, abandon all hope, the end.
All right, so she was here. The next thing to do was go back. But the idea of going back never occurred to her. Women are capricious creatures, just like little boys: as soon as they get what they want, then they want something else. She carried on.
There was a violent judder as she crossed the limit. Then there was silence, peace, calm. All very alarming, to tell the truth. The needles did not move, the lights did not flash, the ventilation system did not hiss, her alveoli did not vibrate, her chair did not swivel, the screens were blank. She got up, went to the portholes, looked out, saw nothing. It was logical enough:
"Of course," she said to herself, "when the universe comes to an end, then there's nothing."
She looked out through the portholes a little more, just in case. She still could see nothing, but she had an idea.
"But I'm here," she said. "Me and the ship."
She put on a space suit and walked out into the nothing.
When the ship landed in the Independence crater in the republic of Rosario, twenty-six minutes after it had taken off, when the hatch opened and she appeared on the ramp, the spirit of Paul Langevin flew over the crater, laughing fit to burst. The only people who heard him were the madman who had grown the flower for her in the Espinillos cemetery and a woman who was to die that day. No one else had ears or fingers or tongue or feet, far less did they have eyes to see him.
It was the same woman who had left, the very same, and this calmed the crowds down at the same time as it disappointed them, all the inhabitants of the country, the diplomats, the spies, and the journalists. It was only when she came down the gangplank and they came closer to her that they saw the network of fine wrinkles around her eyes. All other signs of her old age had vanished, and had she wished, she could have waltzed tirelessly, for days and nights on end, from dusk till dawn till dusk.
The journalists all leaned forward; the diplomats made signals, which they thought were subtle and unseen, to the bearers of their sedan chairs to be ready to take them back to their residences as soon as they had heard what she had to say; the spies took photographs with the little cameras hidden away in their shirt buttons or their wisdom teeth; all the old people put their hands together; the men raised their fists to their heart; the little boys pranced; the young girls smiled.
And then she told them what she had seen:
"I took off my suit and my helmet," she said, "and walked along the invisible avenues that smelled of violets."
She did not know that the whole world was waiting to hear what she said; that Ekaterina V had made Sergei Vasilievich get up at five o'clock in the morning so that he could accompany her to the grand salon and wait there for the news; that one of the seventy-nine Northern States had declared its independence because the president had not stopped anything from happening or obtained any glory, and this had lit the spark of rebellion in the other seventy-eight states, and this had made Mr. Jackson-Franklin leave the White House without his wig, in pajamas, freezing and furious; that Bolivia, Paraguay, and Iceland had allowed the two Peruvian republics to join their new alliance and defense treaty set up against a possible attack from space; that the high command of the Paraguayan aeronautical engineers had promised to build a ship that could travel beyond the limits of the universe, always assuming that they could be granted legal immunity and a higher budget, a declaration that made the guarani fall back the two points that it had recently risen and then another one as well; that Don Schicchino Giol, the new padrone of the Republic of Labodegga at the foot of the majestic Andes had been woken from his most recent drinking bout to be told that he had now to sign a declaration of war against the Republic of Rosario, now that they knew the strength of the enemy's forces.
"Eh? What? Hunh?" Don Schicchino said.
"I saw the nothingness of everything," she said, "and it was all infused with the unmistakable smell of wood violets. The nothingness of the world is like the inside of a stomach throbbing above your head. The nothingness of people is like the back of a painting, black, with glasses and wires that release dreams of order and imperfect destinies. The nothingness of creatures with leathery wings is a crack in the air and the rustle of tiny feet. The nothingness of history is the massacre of the innocents. The nothingness of words, which is a throat and a hand that break whatever they touch on perforated paper; the nothingness of music, which is music. The nothingness of precincts, of crystal glasses, of seams, of hair, of liquids, of lights, of keys, of food."
When she had finished her list, the potentate who owned the Ford 99 said that he would give it to her, and that in the afternoon he would send one of his servants with a liter of naphtha so that she could take the car out for a spin.
"Thank you," she said. "You are very generous."
The madman went away, looking up to the skies; who knows what he was searching for. The woman who was going to die that day asked herself what she should eat on Sunday, when her sons and their wives came to lunch. The president of the Republic of Rosario gave a speech.
And everything in the world carried on the same, apart from the fact that Ekaterina V named Kustkarov her interior minister, which terrified the poor man but which was welcomed with open arms by Irina as an opportunity for her to refresh her wardrobe and her stock of lovers. And Jack Jackson-Franklin sold his memoirs to one of Paraguay's more sophisticated magazines for a stellar amount of money, which allowed him to retire to live in Imerina. And six spaceships from six major world powers set off to the edges of the universe and were never seen again.
She married a good man who had a house with a balcony, a white bicycle, and a radio which, on clear days, could pick up the radio plays that LLL1 Radio Magnum transmitted from Entre Dos Rios, and she waltzed in white satin shoes. The day that her first son was born a very pale green shoot grew out of the ground on the banks of the great lagoon.
submitted by MilkbottleF to shortstoryaday [link] [comments]

List of Professional Critics' Criticisms of TLJ

Part 1/3:
Part 2/3:
Part 3/3:

Part 1/3

Critic's Criticisms Part I: Humor

A few months ago I completed a read through of all ~400 TLJ reviews on RT(now up to ~415). It was painfully boring at times, but that's salt mining for you. I wanted to get a handle on the critical reception which is commonly cited as universal praise. While it's generally true that critics loved TLJ, they also had some criticisms that would be right at home here at STC, and these come from super experienced and intellectual film critics, so they have to be valid, right? After all, these people know so much more about film than a layperson. They can fully evaluate a film on countless criteria that average fans don't comprehend. /s, but you see where I'm going here: many TLJ fans have put critics on a pedestal, as if their opinion is somehow more valuable as a baseline for TLJ's quality. So what about when critics are echoing our own criticisms of TLJ?
Almost every criticism we have lobbed at this movie was shared by at least a few critics, but there were three main criticisms that stood out as the most common. I'll start this series with humor in TLJ.
Peter Debruge, Variety -Fresh
Luke is funnier than we’ve ever seen him — a personality change that betrays how “Star Wars” has been influenced by industry trends. Though the series has always been self-aware enough to crack jokes, it now gives in to the same winking self-parody that is poisoning other franchises of late, from the Marvel movies to “Pirates of the Caribbean.” But it begs the question: If movies can’t take themselves seriously, why should audiences?
Harrison Ford was a good enough actor, and Han Solo an aloof enough character, that he could get away with it, but here, the laughs feel forced — as does the appearance of cuddly critters on each new planet.
Todd McCarthy, Hollywood Reporter -Fresh
General Hux, who's goofily played by Domhnall Gleeson as if he were acting in a Monty Pythonesque parody
Stephen Whitty, Newark Star-Ledger -Fresh
humor is not only prevalent but often turned, mockingly, on the self-serious mythology of the whole saga. Sometimes there are too many jokes; certainly there's an overabundance of cutesy aliens.
Niall Browne, Movies in Focus -Fresh
It’s Finn’s mission which takes the film off on a diversion where it didn’t really need to go. There’s a lot of comedic hijinks involved in all of this which George Lucas would have excised from the first draft of anything he ever wrote.
There’s more humour in The Last Jedi than previous Star Wars movies; some of it hits, some of it doesn’t. The much publicised Porgs work for a moment or two, but they outstay their welcome. The film drew to a halt too many times to show-odd cute creatures. I didn’t care for the crystal wolves during the climatic battle and the aforementioned space Llamas feel like they belong in a Disney movie (wait, this is a Disney movie!)
Rendy Jones, Rendy Reviews -Fresh
"The Last Jedi" is a movie that follows elements of other Star Wars movies that works on its own but feels so similar to a Marvel film because the first half of this movie is a comedy. Seriously a lot of the first half of the movie has a silly vibe amongst all the death and destruction that surrounds it. It desperately tries to be a parody of itself by making serious situations comedic.
Ruben Rosario, MiamiArtZine -Fresh
Much has also been made of “Jedi's” jarring tonal shifts. Johnson inserts broad humor, then abruptly makes things serious, then back again to goofy content.
Christopher Llewellyn Reed, Film Festival Today -Fresh
[Kylo's] partner in evil, Domnhall Gleeson, as General Hux, is less fine, though much of the problem stems not so much from the actor as from the tonally strange, abusively co-dependent relationship between the two men; their jokey rapport feels like it belongs in a very different movie.
Alex Doenau, Trespass -Fresh
However, from the beginning there’s a discordant sense of humour that’s somewhat counter to the series’ ethos to date: rather than funny situations rising organically in the script, many of the characters openly seem to be making jokes. It’s how we introduce Poe this go-round, and it feels slightly off.
Owen Richards, The Arts Desk -Fresh
There’s a surprising amount of comedy in the film, quite a bit at the expense of beloved characters or series law; it’s funny, but not respectful.
Tim Brayton , Alternate Ending -Rotten
The Last Jedi has an impressively poor batting average for its jokes: it opens with a vengefully dumb "I have a bad phone connection" bit that put me on the movie's bad side basically as soon as it had a side to be on, and it's not exactly all uphill from there.
James Kendrick, Q Network Film Desk -Fresh
Sometimes, however, his proclivities come at the film’s expense, such as his penchant for inserting quippy humor, sarcasm, and sight gags at odd times, which often undercuts the drama or simply smacks of too much effort.
Craig Takeuchi, Georgia Straight -Fresh
Weak points come with awkward humour that lacks comedic rhythm and an unnecessary casino escapade, where a disposable underworld character DJ (Benicio del Toro) is introduced, that subsequently soft lens into what is essentially a children's adventure tale about animals.
Rob Dean, -Fresh
Further pushing the disconnect is that the script is far too self-aware, constantly making the sort of jokes that nerds have been making about “Star Wars” for decades, as if it’s too cool to purely accept itself on its own merits. The comedy works about half the time, but there are a ton of jokes in this film that underscore all of the overly serious talk of hope that populates the movie.
Sonny Bunch, Washington Free Beacon - Rotten
Johnson tries too hard on the humor front. Just one, brief, example: The whole opening sequences involves Poe doing conference call shtick while trolling Admiral Hux (Domhnall Gleeson). It's weirdly un-Star-Wars in the sense that it feels like something you could see on any dreadful sitcom here on planet Earth; this sequence is more fit for The Big Bang Theory than a supposedly dark entry in the Star Wars canon. The Star Wars movies have always been funny, of course, and there are moments when Johnson makes it work in a Star-Wars-sort-of-way. On the whole, though, it feels desperate and forced.
Avi Offer, NYC Movie Guru - Rotten
Johnson's screenplay awkwardly blend action and drama with comedy and little bit of tacked-on romance. One particular scene involving an image that's not what it initially appears to be comes out of nowhere and feels like it belongs in a parody of Star Wars even though it does generate laughter.
Tom Glasson, Concrete Playground -Fresh
With more gags, one-liners and quirky moments than all the other Star Wars films combined, The Last Jedi introduces a levity to the staid franchise in the vein of Roger Moore's turn as post-Connery Bond. At times it works, even to the point of guffaws, but ultimately the humour feels misplaced. In a story where loss abounds and crushing defeat looms large at every turn, the repeated cutaways to doe-eyed porgs purring like extras from a Pixar film distract more than they entertain. So, too, does Domhnall Gleeson, whose character General Hux plays more like a parody of a Star Wars villain. As a result, both the New Order and the film itself are robbed of their most enduring menace: the Empire.
Brian Orndorf, -Fresh
In “The Last Jedi,” we watch Poe poke at Hux, who’s been turned into a buffoon for the new film, teasing him by faking communication issues and sharing an opinion about his mother. It’s the first of many awkward attempts at humor from Johnson, who isn’t known for funny business
Kevin McCarthy, WTTG-TV -Fresh
The first act of the film features major pacing issues combined with unnecessary comedic moments that ultimately hurt the tone of the film. Unfortunately, a lot of this comes from Mark Hamill’s Luke Skywalker character.
Jonathan W. Hickman, Daily Film Fix -Fresh
I found myself frustrated that the tone was comedy and sometimes almost veered into parody.
Everything else is jokes and comedic references with a side of cheese. I found myself shaking my head more than laughing along.
Ray Greene, - Rotten
But it also doesn’t feel quite right — the language, the iconography, the weirdly campy humor at the beginning — it doesn’t feel a part of the Star Wars universe.
Josh Bell, Las Vegas Weekly -Fresh
The less said about the awkward attempts at comic relief, the better.
Matt Looker, -Fresh
the comedy - and there is plenty of it - is spread out more evenly across the whole cast. In the case of Domhnall Gleeson's Hux, this becomes a good opportunity to poke fun at the horribly hammy performance he gave in The Force Awakens. But when he is playing those laughs off against his only foil - Kylo Ren - Johnson threatens to undermine their status as epic villains.
Christian Toto, - Rotten
Johnson drops plenty of cutesy comic moments into the mix, some of which would make even George Lucas blush. What was passable in 1977 no longer flies as easily today. And a franchise as esteemed as this one deserves richer comic relief.
Mark Hughes, Forbes -Fresh
The first act's humor is the shakiest, with some gags seeming more like something out of a Star Wars satire. The tone and irreverence of it was out of place, and a couple of bits went on one or two beats too long.
Scott Menzel, We Live Entertainment -Fresh
Speaking of laughs, the jokes and humor just fall flat. The jokes seemed out of place or were just so “on the nose” that I couldn’t help but be annoyed by them. I feel like the modern day humor didn’t feel the tone of the story and yet Johnson kept trying to lighten the mood by adding in cheesy jokes that weren’t even remotely amusing but instead were rather cringe-worthy.
Kevin Jagernauth The Playlist -Fresh
In the pursuit of providing some buoyancy to the picture, Johnson wields comedy like a sword, but it’s unfortunately the weakest element of the film. “Star Wars” has always been home to plenty of cornball one liners, and comedic passages, but there’s a delicacy to how they’re employed and delivered that allows them to land….or simply fall flat. Far too often, it’s the latter outcome in this picture, with some of the laughs feeling underwritten or simply shoehorned in. There’s a distinct lack of cleverness to the wit employed here — think something as seemingly spontaneous as BB-8’s “thumbs up” in ‘The Force Awakens’ — and while the gags don’t grind the picture to a halt, there are certainly some awkward patches where the expected laughs don’t materialize.
Rob Hunter, Film School Rejects -Fresh
The film is a series of points both high and low, and it’s nowhere more clear than in the humor. Several beats work well to bring a smile, but others fall tone deaf to the carnage and pain surrounding them. From the very beginning Hux’s scenes are made to feel like lost reels from Mel Brooks’ Spaceballs, and poor Boyega can’t catch a break as Finn is saddled with lame one-liners at every turn.
Alex Godfrey, GQ Magazine [UK] -Fresh
It’s funny, though not always when you want it to be – perhaps fearing too much gravitas, Johnson undermines it a little too often.
Robert Kojder, Flickering Myth -Fresh
Rian Johnson has crafted an installment that largely defies saga standard narrative structure and tone. There is a quick comedic dialogue exchange in the beginning between Oscar Isaac’s fighter pilot Poe Dameron and Domhnall Gleeson’s First Order General Hux that falls in line with the brand of humor Disney and Marvel inject into that particular cinematic universe.
John Serba, -Fresh
Some stabs at comedy feel overwrought and clunky, including a stint on a ritzy planet of war profiteers, an extended sequence of skillfully directed silliness destined to be beloved fodder for apologists only.
Up next is Part II: Canto Bight.

Part 2/3

Critic's Criticisms Part II: Canto Bight

This is the continuation of my series highlighting specific critic's criticisms of TLJ. Part I on Humor is here, which also details my reasoning for this mining operation. Here we are covering Canto Bight, and we have everything from run of the mill iodized stuff to hail-sized rock salt on display, so adjust your goggles accordingly.
Johnson overplays his hand occasionally — most notably an unnecessary sequence at the casino city of Canto Bight that goes straight from a political sermon into a plot hole
Ethan Sacks, New York Daily News - Fresh
The bad news is, this involves an unnecessary trip to a kind of casino planet that doesn’t really advance the story.
Bill Goodykoontz, Arizona Republic - Fresh
A scene in an opulent casino is easily the most painful yet in this new generation of Star Wars flicks, eliciting images of the green screen busy set pieces of the early-2000 franchise additions, enticing to the youngest members of the audience who need their stories overly padded with shiny spectacle.
Matt Oakes, Silver Screen Riot - Fresh
Boyega is a loveable hero, and his new compadre Rose (Kelly Marie Tran) is a nice addition. However, as much as it isn’t overbearing, their entire sub-plot is when the adventure loses steam. This moves the film away from where all the interest is – Luke. At this point, it becomes a little disjointed and unnecessary, never reaching a point of excitement required for a chunk of plot of this degree.
Cameron Frew, FrewFilm - Fresh
an extended digression with Finn and Rose that doesn’t end up counting for much plotwise
Bob Chipman, Moviebob Central - Fresh
Sadly, Boyega's Finn -- still an appealing character -- is saddled with a go-nowhere plot-line that has him and Resistance mechanic Rose show up at a space casino and cross paths with a rogue with a heart of a gold (or maybe just rogue?) played by Benicio Del Toro. There's the kernel of interesting idea there as we glimpse the socioeconomic underpinnings of this galaxy far, far away in a way we've never seen before, but it's a digression whose payoff doesn't warrant the build-up. And when you're already the longest Star Wars ever made (two and a half hours!), some snipping here and there might not have been a bad idea.
Zaki Hasan, Zaki's Corner - Fresh
I’m not a big fan of Finn and Rose’s side adventure, which has the air of a spinoff story being tacked onto the main narrative (probably to give Finn a purpose, since Rey is doing her own thing with Luke). Apart from showcasing the power of hope on a younger generation, it’s not as well integrated into the seams of the larger story as it could’ve been.
Tomas Trussow, The Lonely Film Critic - Fresh
It’s Finn’s mission which takes the film off on a diversion where it didn’t really need to go. There’s a lot of comedic hijinks involved in all of this which George Lucas would have excised from the first draft of anything he ever wrote.
Niall Browne, Movies in Focus - Fresh
Much of the Canto Bight sequence feels unnecessary
Molly Templeton, Eugene Weekly - Fresh
First, both prominent new characters Rose and DJ seemed shoe-horned in, and Rose especially doesn't seem to have a real place in this film nor does she add anything to be hopeful about in the future. And while both Rey and Poe fans will probably be pleased with where their characters go, Finn sort of takes a step back, as he is sent off on a side adventure that seems like second-tier Star Wars. It's a diversion that takes up a good portion of the film and really serves no purpose to the overall story...worse yet, it seems to contain some heavy-handed political messages not commonly found, at least not this blatantly, in the Star Wars universe. These are more than just quibbles too: Most fans will not be used to the slow, lumbering pace or the general unevenness of this film...especially coming on the heels of the action-packed pacing that JJ Abrams brought in Episode VII.
Tom Santilli, - Fresh
There’s some stuff that feels extraneous (the whole Canto Bight sequence, which seems to exist to set up a new Lando-like character played by Benicio del Toro), and the cycle of attack and retreat — mostly retreat — gets a bit monotonous.
Rob Gonsalves, - Fresh
Muchas de las situaciones se sienten forzadas e innecesarias (por ejemplo, la aventura de Finn y Rose, me parece innecesaria).
Ruben Peralta Rigaud, Cocalecas - Fresh
Their jaunt to the casino planet of Canto Bight serves little purpose besides introducing Del Toro, updating the cantina scene, and offering up a tired CGI chase scene that wouldn’t have looked out of place in Attack of the Clones. Kudos (maybe) to Johnson for introducing income inequality to the Star Wars universe, but the entire sequence feels rushed and shoehorned into an already long movie.
Pete Vonder Haar Houston Press - Fresh
The weakest of these is Finn's. It's briskly paced and full of action yes, but let's just say a casino is no cantina... Worse, it also sees him interacting with Prequel Trilogy levels of CGI critters.
Karl Puschmann, New Zealand Herald - Fresh
But the worst distraction “The Last Jedi” has to offer involves erstwhile Stormtrooper Finn (John Boyega) and a Resistance maintenance worker named Rose (Kelly Marie Tran), a subplot every bit as visually and narratively inept as Lucas’ prequels were taken as.
J. Olson, Cinemixtape - Rotten
Finn’s entire storyline could be cut and the film would be better off. As Finn was one of the driving-force leads of The Force Awakens and also a charming character, this is a disappointing development. His adventure is such a low point that it would not seem out of place in one of George Lucas’ efforts from between 1999 and 2005, and it serves little purpose to the film’s overall plot.
Alex Doenau, Trespass - Fresh
there’s too much going on in The Last Jedi, and a lot of it feels like filler. Besides the aforementioned, stalled-out space battle, there’s a clunky sequence in a casino that goes on far too long, a lot of distracting cameos, and new characters inhabited by Laura Dern and Benicio del Toro, who bring close to nothing to the proceedings.
Bob Grimm, Reno News and Review - Fresh
Finn and Rose (a new addition to the principal cast) distract the audience with an overlong and ultimately unnecessary side plot.
Richard Dove, International Business Times - Rotten
And this plotline feeds right into the absolutely unforgivably terrible subplot, which is the adventures of Finn (John Boyega) the cowardly ex-storm trooper, and Rose (Kelly Marie Tran), the class-conscious engineer, who go on a fetch quest that is every bit as pointless as the whole matter of the military nonsense, only even worse, because it hinges on terrible comedy, bad CGI, and a spectacularly horrible moment when Johnson stops the film in its tracks to provide a ruthlessly on-the-nose lesson about economic inequality and the military-industrial complex.
Tim Brayton, Alternate Ending - Rotten
Some of what happens on the casino planet — called Canto Bight, and sure to figure in the next film — is goofy on a level as cringe-inducing as things we saw in the prequel trilogy; like, Jar-Jar Binks–awful.
MaryAnn Johanson, Flick Filosopher - Fresh
Johnson does his best to hustle from one location to the next, but the narrative has a tendency from time to time to drag. The biggest example of this are the scenes on Canto Bight. Which is a shame, because a huge chunk of the film’s message is established on these scenes. But the very nature of the story, with its many moving parts, inadvertently makes this section of the film feel like a diversion.
Chris Evangelista, Slashfilm - Fresh
The humour is kind of sour in other places, too, such as the silly neo-cantina scene as Finn and Rose track the whereabouts of a mysterious encrypter, who might be the rebellion’s last hope, into a sort of galactic Monte Carlo. The abundance of slapstick there and in other parts of the film doesn’t click and feels forced.
Diva Velez, - Fresh
In an unnecessary and quite frankly preposterous third subplot, Finn (John Boyega) and a new character, Rose Tico (Kelly Marie Tran), race against the clock to locate an underworld figure who can help them neutralise the First Order’s tracking device, thus allowing the diminished rebel fleet to escape.
Vicky Roach, Daily Telegraph (Australia) - Rotten
Weak points come with awkward humour that lacks comedic rhythm and an unnecessary casino escapade, where a disposable underworld character DJ (Benicio del Toro) is introduced, that subsequently soft lens into what is essentially a children's adventure tale about animals
Craig Takeuchi, Georgia Straight - Fresh
Unfortunately, we keep getting dragged away from the only emotionally resonant portion of the film to watch Finn and Rose engage in sub-prequel hijinks on the casino planet. Everything here is forced and awful, visually uninteresting and often dark to the point of unwatchability, lousy with mawkish little kids making bug eyes at the camera as we marvel at the horror of economic inequality, and drowned in an atrocious patina of truly terrible CGI. It calls to mind the droid factory in Attack of the Clones and the pre-podrace sequence in The Phantom Menace. Most offensively, the whole Finn/Rose diversion has absolutely no importance to the forward momentum of the plot—it's utterly irrelevant, even nonsensical.
Sonny Bunch, Washington Free Beacon - Rotten
Not everything in the film works: a few of the goofier comic moments fail to land and true to the legacy of Lucas there’s a fair amount of eye-wincing dialogue. More importantly, the second act bows under the weight of too many narrative strands; Finn’s away mission comes off as a bit superfluous, as does Laura Dern’s Vice Admiral Holdo, and both Rose and the beloved Chewbacca (Joonas Suotamo) are sadly underwritten. In a trade-off that brings scope and complexity, Johnson has sacrificed narrative efficiency.
Christopher Machell, CineVue - Fresh
I didn't like the sequence in a casino--a callback to the Star Wars Cantina, of course, but also a chance to discuss the evils of war profiteers and the 1%. There are creatures there, there's slapstick, there's a heist of sorts, and it all harks back to my favourite of Johnson's films, The Brothers Bloom, in the interplay between the characters, in the lightness and clarity of the scheme. But it's tonally disruptive, and it introduces a trio of children who seem like part of a different film.
Walter Chaw, Film Freak Central - Fresh
Finn and Rose’s trip to a gambling planet – basically a space Monaco – flits between light fun and on-the-nose political narrative.
Richard Whittaker, Austin Chronicle - Fresh
It also begs the question why the space casino sequence, arguably the least relevant to the core story, wasn’t dramatically trimmed back. Aside from a throwaway final shot, this section of the film is the weakest – designed to depict profiteering space-capitalism run rampant (ironically, also depicting a stable of space-horses also running rampant).
Patrick Kolan, Shotgun Cinema - Fresh
But as ingenious as this setup may be, it also gives rise to the film's most pointless subplot. After waking from his coma, Finn (John Boyega) contrives a means by which he can disable the New Order's tracking device, albeit one that requires him to sneak off the fleeing vessel, travel to a Monaco-styled casino planet, track down a master codebreaker and infiltrate the enemy's warship undetected. This enormous MacGuffin sees Boyega partnered with the charming Kelly Marie Tran as Rose Tico, a Resistance engineer low in status but high in pluck. The problem is that their side adventure does absolutely nothing to advance the actual story.
Tom Glasson, Concrete Playground - Fresh
Unfortunately, John Boyega’s Finn, Oscar Isaac’s Poe and Kelly Marie Tran—as Finn’s new partner-in-rebellion Rose—are given the equivalent of busywork while the rest of the cast moves the plot along.
Simon Miraudo, Student Edge - Fresh
A detour to a casino planet where Finn and a resistance mechanic named Rose (Kelly Marie Tran) search for a codebreaker to help them disrupt the First Order's tracking of the retreating resistance ships feels like a trip into another movie. The stakes here seem far lower than the live-or-die scenario facing Poe, General Leia Organa (the late Carrie Fisher) and the others trying to make their getaway.
Greg Maki Star-Democrat (Easton, MD) Fresh
The only characters not doing a huge amount of growing are Finn (John Boyega) and mechanic Rose Tico (Kelly Marie Tran), and not for nothing, their subplot opens up a momentum drain that is the only weakness in The Last Jedi. Boyega and Tran are perfectly enjoyable, and their subplot isn’t a complete waste of time, but you start to feel the length of The Last Jedi when it veers off with them, and Finn’s arc is a pale echo of Poe’s so it’s not like much is being accomplished.
Sarah Marrs Lainey Gossip Fresh
Rey’s journey toward learning the ways of the Jedi is far more entertaining than Finn’s convoluted (and ultimately pointless) storyline
Josh Bell Las Vegas Weekly Fresh
Rose’s character is front and center in the film’s weakest sequences. We’re diverted to a city where the worst of the worst frolic. No, not the usual hives of scum and villainy. It’s a casino where the very, very rich cavort. The evil One Percenters! If you’re not immediately yanked out of the story here you deserve a prize. The accompanying dialogue is equally clunky, as is the reason all these vapid souls gained their fortunes.
Christian Toto, - Rotten
Far less successful is the time spent with the rebels on the run from Hux and the First Order. Not only is it centered on the slowest space chase in sci-fi history, but subplots featuring Poe, Finn (John Boyega), and Rose (newcomer Kelly Marie Tran) go absolutely nowhere. Sure we get introduced to DJ (Benicio Del Toro) and Vice Admiral Holdo (Laura Dern), but it’s with actions that fail to connect either through sheer stupidity or the simple truth that their absence wouldn’t change the story in the slightest. They’re obvious filler, and as is the Disney way (witness their Marvel films) the studio’s never met a character that couldn’t be jammed into a movie for no reason other than the misguided belief that more is better. Finn and Rose’s adventure in particular offers some additional action beats and a visit to a casino — think the Mos Eisley Cantina scene from Star Wars, but for the 1% — but it is meaningless noise.
Rob Hunter, Film School Rejects - Fresh
Meanwhile, what feels too much like the “B plot” side adventure has Finn and Rose on a mission that takes them into another film entirely, a sort of intergalactic James Bond-meets-Free Willy. It’s hard not to feel that their entire subplot could be axed in order to make The Last Jedi stronger and tighter, which is unfortunate.
Kaila Hale-Stern, The Mary Sue - Fresh
There is a whole section that feels out of kilter and harks back to the CGI naffness of the prequels — and is also virtually pointless to the plot.
Jamie East, The Sun (UK) - Fresh
The film’s epic 150-minute runtime allows plenty of room for Johnson’s inventiveness, but there’s also a tiny bit of fat in the middle of the movie, specifically in the Canto Bight scenes with Finn and Rose. The casino city itself is gorgeous and has some crazy-cool characters, plus Finn and Rose’s presence there shines a light on some new, worthwhile themes for the Star Wars franchise. However, in terms of the overall story, the whole escapade feels a little pointless and small. It doesn’t help that Benicio del Toro’s new character, DJ, who is part of the same storyline, is largely insignificant.
Germain Lussier, - Fresh
Star Wars: The Last Jedi does have a clear weak spot -- specifically the side plot that develops between Finn (John Boyega) and newly-introduced Resistance member Rose Tico (Kelly Marie Tran). Following a genuinely funny meet-up between the two characters, they are given their own special mission searching for a codebreaker who can assist in the battle against the First Order. But this storyline never feels particularly inspired or impactful as everything else going down in the movie. While it is constructed to fit with the larger themes of the film, features its own interesting expectation-flipping turns, and does eventually have a key impact on the macro scale, it's also the only part of the feature that ever feels expendable, and not helping anything is that it features the weakest visual effects of the blockbuster (especially during a second-act chase sequence).
Eric Eisenberg, CinemaBlend - Fresh
Finn and Rose’s mission takes them to Canto Bight, a kind of Monte Carlo peopled by extras from Babylon 5, and feels like it is just ticking the Weird Alien Bar box started by the Cantina. A ride on space horses also feels like a needless diversion, as does Benicio Del Toro’s space rogue, whose strange, laconic presence never really makes its mark.
Ian Freer, Empire Magazine - Fresh
It’s a shame, then, that the righteousness of Finn and Rose’s place in the film is undermined slightly by the limpness of their mission. Perhaps feeling there had to be some kind of Mos Eisley–esque sequence in the film, Johnson sends the pair to a casino city full of all kinds of creatures. It’s fun, sure, but the whole operation ultimately turns out to be a red herring. At least there’s some nice musing on liberation during this stretch, reminding us of the real stakes of this long story—freedom is, after all, what the Empire denies and the Rebel Alliance promises. And in a gorgeous third-act sequence—which includes the film’s true Empire Strikes Back homage—Finn and Rose finally get the emboldened moments they deserve. I just wish they fit more integrally into the central thesis of the film, that they were just as special, in their way, as Rey is, glinting with messianic power as she ascends.
Richard Lawson, Vanity Fair - Fresh
Of the three simultaneous plots, it’s Finn’s that sometimes drags down the energy, particularly with an introduction of a shady thief played by Benicio del Toro, the only new addition to the cast that doesn’t quite work; he seems to be acting in his own private movie, and it’s not as good as this one.
Will Leitch Paste Magazine - Fresh
Where the film struggles the most is on Canto Bight. Taken on her own, Rose isn’t a bad addition to the Star Wars mythos, and the movie definitely needs someone to play against Finn. Unfortunately, they lack the electric chemistry we saw between Finn and Rey in The Force Awakens, and their secret mission in a casino feels like it should be far more entertaining than it actually is.
Matt Goldberg, Collider - Fresh
Some action sequences are superfluous and unengaging. Benicio del Toro all but cameos as a sort of hobo hustler, while John Boyega’s Finn is sidelined, relegated to relatively inconsequential hi-jinx.
Alex Godfrey, GQ Magazine [UK] - Fresh
Finn (John Boyega) and newcomer Rose (Kelly Marie Tran) attempt an espionage mission that takes them to what is the Star Wars equivalent of the French Riviera. It’s a casino city named Canto Bight, and their adventures here push the Rick’s Café sensibilities from the original Star Wars’ cantina sequence to their limit. Nevertheless, this entire subplot amounts to a whole lot of padding while the real tough and revelatory decisions are made on Ahch-To.
David Crow, Den of Geek - Fresh
Plot-wise, I felt the entire side story at the casino world of Canto Bight was unnecessary. If you cut the entire sequence out of the film, it would have little impact on the core narrative.
Scott Chitwood - Fresh
Finn (John Boyega) wakes up, meets a admiring fan down in maintenance named Rose Tico (Kelly Marie Tran) and they head off on their own adventure, a detour that somehow combines the louche slickness of Cloud City and moralizing at its most Disney.
Joe Gross, Austin American-Statesman - Fresh
But The Last Jedi’s two-and-half-hour sprawl still includes an awful lot of clunky, derivative, and largely unnecessary incidents to wade through in order to get to its maverick last act. This is especially true when it comes to the plausibility-straining mission of stormtrooper turned Rebel Alliance fighter Finn (John Boyega) and puckish series newcomer Rose Tico (Kelly Marie Tran).
Sam C. Mac, Slant Magazine - Rotten
There are a couple of big names that fail to deliver much aside from, perhaps, realizing their childhood dreams of being in a “Star Wars” movie. A trip to a city that might as well be called Space Macau also fails to pay many dividends.
Christopher Lawrence, Las Vegas Review-Journal - Fresh
Case in point is the plot involving Finn (John Boyega) and new hero Rose's (Kelly Marie Tran) McGuffinesque mission to Canto Bight, which is of the ashtray-on-a-speederbike variety, and takes away from the tension cranked up elsewhere.
Harry Guerin, RTÉ (Ireland) - Fresh
The remaining 20% is made up of two different locales, one of which is entirely superfluous to the story. Essentially, there is a subplot that introduces Benicio del Toro’s mysterious work of eccentricity, except it doesn’t really do much of interest with him. Admittedly, it feels as if the character could be destined for bigger things in the final chapter, but I can only go off of what I watched, and well, the middle portion of The Last Jedi is stuck in the furthest setting from lightspeed. The journey expands to a space-Vegas full of various alien life forms and inhabitants, but it’s not as visually striking as previously explored planets. Additionally, by design, there seems to be filler injected simply because the other characters need things to do while Rey accomplishes what she needs to with Luke.
Robert Kojder, Flickering Myth - Fresh
The scenes on Canto Bight seemed like an unnecessary divert for Rose (a new character I actually really like) and Finn. This “casino planet” was like a scene right out of a low-budget Sy-Fy channel movie shot in Vancouver. It felt too familiar and earthbound to be a scene in an other-worldly scene in a Star Wars movie. The Rose/Finn alien horse race through the casino that ruined the galactic one-percenters good time and did some property damage was just ridiculous and should have been cut. Rose and Finn flopping around on the alien horse just looked like a bad theme park ride.
Chris Gore, Film Threat - Fresh
There’s a lengthy diversion to the casino planet of Canto Bight that feels pointless and tacked on just for the sake of giving us a cool new corner of the galaxy to feast our eyes on.
Chris Nashawaty, Entertainment Weekly - Fresh
And that's it for Part II. Happy Holidays to all my fellow fans and miners! Next week I will conclude with Part III, which will cover- well, let's just say it's the longest of this series by far. Heh.
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2012 MLS All-Stars: Where are they now?

This has been really trendy in a bunch of other subs so I figured I'd take a stab. With All-Stars coming up, I figured I'd look back at an even five years, at the 2012 MLS All-Star Game and see: where those players are now?
I'll only do this for the MLS All-Star team, for the record.

The Starting XI

Goalkeeper: Jimmy Nielsen, Sporting KC Casino Jimmy would only play one more season of professional football, ending his career on top with Sporting's MLS Cup triumph. Following retirement, he became the manager of Oklahoma City Energy, where he remains to this day with a record to date of 36W-34L-28D.
Right Back: Steven Beitashour, San Jose Earthquakes Beitashour spent one more season in San Jose before being traded to Vancouver for Garber Bucks, a mistake that looked bad then and still does look bad. After two years in Vancouver and a World Cup callup to the Iran national team, he was traded again to Toronto, where he remains. He's currently injured after a damaged pancreas. Hey Beita, it could be worse, at least yours still works unlike mine...
Center Back: Jay DeMerit, Vancouver Whitecaps The quintessential scrappy underdog who went from non-league Southall to the bright lights of the Premier League with Watford, DeMerit spent another ~year and a half with Vancouver before retiring in July 2014 due to injuries.
Center Back: Aurélien Collin, Sporting KC Collin spent two more years with Sporting (including a MOTM performance in MLS Cup 2013 when he scored the equalizer and decisive penalty) before being traded to Orlando for Jalil Anibaba and some Garber Bucks. After some shaky performances for the Lions (including being their Toni Ståhl by getting sent off in their first game), Collin was traded to NYRB in 2016 and has settled in nicely there.
Left Back: Justin Morrow, San Jose Earthquakes Much like Beitashour, Morrow also found himself given away by Frank Yallop and John Doyle. He went to for Garber Bucks and remains there to this day. He earned a Gold Cup call-up to the US this year, and remains one of the better fullbacks/wingbacks in MLS.
Defensive Mid: Ozzie Alonso, Seattle Sounders Honey Badger don't move. Seriously, his ass is still firmly parked in the center of Seattle's pitch.
Left Mid: Landon Donovan, LA Galaxy Played another two years in MLS, earning a storybook ending to his career with an MLS Cup triumph in 2014 after announcing his retirement earlier that year. Only that wasn't actually the ending because he came out of retirement in 2016. Then he retired again.
Center Mid: David Beckham, LA Galaxy Moved to PSG at the end of the season, then retired in May 2013 after finishing out the French season. Currently attempting to build a stadium and help put an MLS team in Miami. Keyword being attempting.
Attacking Mid: Dwayne De Rosario, DC United The Canadian legend spent another season in DC before heading home to Toronto through the Re-Entry Draft. He spent one year there before retiring as MLS's greatest ever Canadian.
Forward: Chris Wondolowski, San Jose Earthquakes Death, taxes, and Wondo poaching goals for the Quakes. Still there and still good, Belgium be damned.
Forward: Thierry Henry, New York Red Bulls Played another two seasons with the Red Bulls before retiring. He is currently an assistant coach with the Belgian national team.

The Bench

Goalkeeper: Dan Kennedy, Chivas USA Following the liquidation of Chivas RIP in 2014, Kennedy joined Dallas, where he wound up losing the starting job to Jesse González, earning him a trade back to LA with Galaxy. He barely played and retired after the season, taking up a job broadcasting Galaxy games.
Defender: Carlos Valdés, Philadelphia Union After the season, Valdés believed he needed to leave MLS to increase his chances of being called up to the Colombia national team. He was successful, earning a World Cup callup after loan spells at Santa Fe and San Lorenzo. Returning to Philly after the World Cup, he finished out the 2014 season with the Zolos before once again being loaned out at his request, this time to Nacional in Uruguay. Eventually the Union got sick of this headache and terminated his contract, rejoining Santa Fe. He missed 2016 with injury and now plays for Atlético Socopó in Venezuela.
Defender: Ramiro Corrales, San Jose Earthquakes Retired at the end of the 2013 season and is apparently now coaching the Santa Cruz Breakers U18 Academy.
Midfielder: Chris Pontius, DC United Pontius spent much of the remainder of his time in DC (ending in 2015) in a hospital bed, a victim of constant injuries. Traded to Philadelphia in December 2015, he rejuvenated his career with the Union, earning MLS Comeback Player of the Year after his 12 goal output in 2016. He's struggled to start this year, however.
Midfielder: Kyle Beckerman, Real Salt Lake Still there, still has the hair that looks like a bird's nest...
Midfielder: Graham Zusi, Sporting KC Again, still there, although he's been shifted to right back.
Midfielder: Michael Farfan, Philadelphia Union Farfan was a last second add as Chelsea, the All-Stars' opponent that year, requested the number of substitutes be increased, and the game was in Philly so it was convenient. Sold to Cruz Azul after the 2013 season, he returned to MLS in 2015 with DC, then briefly existed in Seattle's system in 2016 before retiring at the age of 29.
Forward: Eddie Johnson, Seattle Sounders Johnson left Seattle after the cap-strapped Sounders couldn't offer him a better contract, and was traded to DC for some Garber Bucks. Retired with the Black and Red in 2015 after developing heart problems.

The Injured Guy

Defender: Heath Pearce, New York Red Bulls (Injured - Replaced by Justin Morrow) Pearce missed the tail end of the 2013 season with a hip injury that needed surgery. Montreal picked him up in the 2014 offseason, and was later taken by Orlando in the expansion draft. But Pearce elected to go to Sweden, signing a five month contract with IFK Göteborg before retiring. He is now the main presenter on the KICK YouTube channel.

The Inactives

Yep. Back in the day there was an "Inactive" squad for the MLS All-Star Game. They were voted on by MLS players but did not play. This was the last year of them existing.
Goalkeeper: Nick Rimando, Real Salt Lake The Wall of the Wasatch is still there.
Goalkeeper: Jon Busch, San Jose Earthquakes Spent two more seasons with the Quakes before joining Chicago as a backup to Sean Johnson. He then dropped down a tier to play for Indy Eleven, where he still plays today at the age of 40.
Defender: Jámison Olave, **Real Salt Lake Traded after the season (along with Fabián Espíndola) to for Garber Bucks, Olave eventually returned to Salt Lake City in 2015, but was not the same Olave that was once a top center back in MLS. Last I heard he joined Mike Petke's coaching staff at Real Monarchs, though I'm unsure if Petke took him up to the big club with him.
Defender: Geoff Cameron, Houston Dynamo After the season, Cameron was sold to Stoke City, where he remains a rock in the Potters' back line.
Midfielder: Brad Davis, Houston Dynamo After a decade at Dynamo (plus one year with San Jose pre-relocation), Davis joined Sporting KC as a free agent in 2016. Following his lone season there, he signed a one day contract back at Houston and retired.
Midfielder: Marco Pappa, Chicago Fire Pappa moved to Heerenveen in the Netherlands just a month after All-Stars, where he'd spend two years. The Dutch side would cut him in 2014 to make room for Szabolcs Varga (he of zero appearances for the side), then joined Seattle through the allocation order. Two seasons, a stabbing, and a Supporters' Shield-winning brace later, Pappa was traded to Colorado for some Garber Bucks. He has since returned home to Guatemala with Municipal.
Midfielder: Brek Shea, Dallas After the season, Shea joined Stoke City. Then he got injured multiple times, loaned twice, and eventually came back to MLS with Orlando. Before the start of this season, Shea was traded to Vancouver for Giles Barnes.
Midfielder: Roger Espinoza, Sporting KC After the season, Espinoza joined Wigan on a free. Though he did win an FA Cup with the club, that didn't last long; he parted ways with the club during the 2014-15 season and rejoined SKC in 2015, where he remains a solid holding midfielder.
Midfielder: Marvin Chávez, San Jose Earthquakes Chávez spent just one more year in San Jose before being traded to Colorado for Atiba Harris. He played a whopping 39 minutes before being traded again to Chivas RIP for Luke Moore, and was left clubless after the liquidation of Chivas. After the season, he joined San Antonio Scorpions, where he spent a season before the team folded. Then in 2016 he joined Rayo OKC, where he spent a season before the team folded. He's like the Grim Reaper out here comin to kill clubs.
Forward: Kenny Cooper, New York Red Bulls After leaving the Red Bulls following the season, Cooper was never the same player, perhaps haunted by his missed penalty re-take in the 2012 playoffs. He was traded to Dallas for Garber Bucks in 2013, then to (where he would be the 2014 US Open Cup Player of the Tournament) for Garber Bucks and Adam Moffat after that season. Then in 2015 he was claimed off waivers by Montréal, but was hurt the whole time. He hasn't retired officially, but remains clubless.
Forward: Fabián Espíndola, Real Salt Lake Traded to the Red Bulls with Olave, Espíndola spent a year there before moving to hated rivals DC via the Re-Entry Draft. He spent two and a half seasons in the nation's capital before being traded to Vancouver for Garber Bucks, who then sold him to Liga MX side Necaxa, where he remains. He's also getting sued by an ex-DC teammate, so that happened.
Forward: Kei Kamara, Sporting KC Kamara was loaned to Norwich after the 2012 season, came back after the loan expired, and was then sold to Middlesbrough in September. He lasted less than a year before his contract was cancelled by mutual consent. He then went back to his first MLS team, Columbus, and had a 22 goal welcome-back campaign in 2015. Then, in 2016, he became a locker room cancer after calling out his teammate following a fight over who would take a spot kick and was traded to New England, where he hasn't really fit in.
Forward: Fredy Montero, Seattle Sounders Loaned back to his native Colombia for the start of the 2013 season, Montero eventually joined Sporting CP, first on loan (start of the 2013-14 season) and then by purchase (in January 2014 after scoring 13 in 16 Primeira Liga matches). He spent two years in Lisbon before moving to China with Tianjin TEDA, who has since loaned him out to Vancouver as the Chinese side needed to make room for new arrivals Nemanja Gudelj and John Obi Mikel.
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Mafia Commission

Thomas Gambino Sr. runs a Medical charity racket in NY and resides in Florida as one of the top members of the modern Commission. Thomas Sr.'s wife is Frances Lucchese. They oversee the Luccheses and factions of the Gambinos. The Lucchesi-Palli family are a nobility of Sicily, Tuscany, and Austria and they own the Lucchese crime family. The Russian Mafia in Brighton Beach, New York pay tributes to the Lucchese crime family. The Russian Mafia has held meetings in Austria where the Lucchesi-Palli are nobles. Frank Stronach is an Austrian businessman that owns horse race tracks in the US including the Rosecroft Raceway in Maryland where the Corsican Mafia are covertly headquartered. The Corsican Mafia partnered with the Lucchese crime family through their "French Connection" heroin operation. The mafia use horse race tracks as headquarters for money laundering.
Carlo Gambino "Lucchese" is the grandson of the founder of the Gambinos through his father and grandson of the founder of the Luccheses through his mother. The Luccheses have an alliance with the Russian Mafia. The Russian Mafia have operations in Florida and California and the Gambinos live in New York, Florida, and California.
Thomas Gambino "Lucchese" Jr. owns an international warehouse and distribution company called Dynamic Worldwide with operations in China and other parts of Asia as well as in Texas next to the Mexican border. Thomas Jr. is headquartered out of Florida.
Frank Cali is the top boss in California and Los Angeles and has high authority within the Gambino crime family. Frank Cali covertly works with the Israeli-American businessmen Lyor Cohen who works with criminal rappers like Jay Z, Kanye West, DMX, and Method Man. Lyor Cohen is married to the deputy chairman of Christie's Asia Xin Li. The Massimo family of Rome own the Gambinos and Prince Tancredi Massimo works at Christies.
Rosario Gambino is Frank Calis uncle and adviser with close connections to Rome. The Gambinos are owned by the Massimo family with Prince Fabrizio Massimo-Brancaccio who is like the godfather of organized crime. The Massimos received tributes from most mafias and cartels around the world.
Massimo Carminati who was imprisoned in 2017 was the head of the Nuclei Armati Rivoluzionari (NAR) a Neo-Fascist paramilitary group that still covertly exists and works with the Magliana Mafia of Rome. The NAR is involved in weapons trafficking, assassinations, and contract killings and they are owned by the Massimo family. Massimo Carminati was nicknamed the "Last King of Rome"
Leonardo Rizzuto is the head of the Montreal crime family which includes the Rizzutos and Cuntrera Caruana mafia. They have a business alliance with Venezuelan drug cartels and the Sinaloa Cartel. The Rizzutos have residences in Venezuela and meet with the Sinaloa Cartel on the Island of Margarita and properties owned by the Rizzuto crime family's owners the Ruspoli noble family of Rome.
Jack Giacalone runs the Detroit Mafia and the International Brotherhood of Teamsters in the US through James Hoffa the son of Jimmy Hoffa who was disappeared by the Giacalones. The Detroit Mafia runs rackets on the US automotive industry. Giacalone also works with the Jewish billionaire and crook Daniel Gilbert who owns casinos in Detroit, Cleveland, and also owns the Cleveland Cavaliers. Dan Gilbert renamed his casino company Jack Entertainment to honor Jack Giacalone. The Detroit Mafia is owned by the Odescalchi family of Rome.
Russell Papalardo is a top boss of the Cleveland crime family which works closely with the Detroit Mafia. The Licavole family have been top members of the Cleveland crime family. Their relative named Jimmy Laccavole is one of the most insane and relentless gang stalkers and paid slanderers in my region. He is a small little zealous psychopath that specializes in poisoning people and brainwashing them with insane lies. The Orsini family are owners of the Cleveland crime family and they are merged with the German Rosenberg family which own some Jewish mafias with the Def Jam CEO Paul Rosenberg as a member of the Jewish Mafia.
Meyer Lansky III runs territories in Vegas today and is a top member of the Jewish-Polish Mafia and associate of the Chicago Outfit. His grandfather Meyer Lansky was a Polish-Jew. Lansky III works with Tamares Group which is a casino company in Vegas owned by the Zabludowicz family which are Polish-Israeli Jews with Poju Zabludowicz. The Colonna family are owners of the Chicago Outfit and use the Roselli del Turco and Capponi noble families of Florence to mange them. Al Capone and John Rosseli were Chicago mobsters and related to these noble families. The Colonna family of Rome also have a Polish branch called the Colonna-Walewski family. Meyer Lanski was a Polish Jew.
Simone Rizzo DeCavalcate Jr. oversees the New Jersey crime family from Florida and he works with Wu-Tang rapper RZA or Robert Fitzgerald Diggs who lives in NJ and runs AVLN gangs, 5 Percenter Islamic Gang Stalkers, and other street gangs involved in drug trafficking of marijuana, PCP, crack-cocaine, and heroin. Wu-Tang also works with the Gambinos, Westies, and the Triads.
John Bokun is a high level and extremely dangerous Irish gangster that runs the Irish Westies in Hells Kitchen. John Bokun has a monopoly on marijuana both in the streets and in the medical industry. He extorts the medical marijuana industry and street sale of marijuana in the US. John Bokun was arrested several years ago for transporting a half of million in marijuana on his 40 million dollar jet from California to the East Coast. The Westies are allied with the Gambinos and Gottis. John Bokun is an extremely evil murderous psychopath that needs to be executed immediately.
Jay O'Connor is an Irish Mafia boss from Dublin. The Irish Mafia are extremely violent and involved in drug trafficking, gun trafficking, murder, extortion, thefts, robberies, and business rackets. The Irish Mafia often operate out of boxing clubs, bars, and racetracks. The Rooney family in the US are Irish white collar mobsters involved in politics and business. They recently sold their Yonkers Raceway in 2019 to MGM. They owned the Yonkers Raceway since 1972. In 1995 there were arrests at the Rooney's Yonkers Raceway for a multimillion dollar gambling ring.
Gerry Hutch is an Irish Mafia boss that runs rackets in the boxing industry and has been involved in robberies. Hutch has worked with the boxer Mike Tyson and has run boxing rings in Ireland. Conor McGregor is an associate of the Irish Mafia in Dublin and is a boxer and MMA fighter. The mafia rig fights for their bets. Bookies will collect bets and then the mafia decides who wins based on which is most profitable for them. Conor McGregor is an Irish mobster.
Terry Adams is an English gangster in Clerkenwell, London. The Adams crime family are involved in extortion, drug trafficking, human trafficking, sex trafficking of minors, blackmail, contract killings, and gold heists. The Clerkenwell Mafia is extorting the royal vault for gold. The Clerkenwell Mafia or Adams crime family are owned by the Massimo of Roccasecca family which live in London. Prince Stefano Massimo's mother was Dawn Addams.
Richard Valentini is the street boss of the Springfield Crew and he is one of the most violent and murderous members of Cosa Nostra. The Arrivabene-Valenti-Gonzaga family own the Rochester crime family of New York which was headed up by Valenti mobsters with crime bosses Frank Valenti and Constenze Valenti. Their cousins own a large car dealership company in New England. Richard Valentini works under the Arrivabene-Valenti-Gonzaga family of Venice. Its believed the Springfield Crew is part of the Genovese crime family. The Savoys own the Genovese mafia. The Arrivabene-Valenti-Gonzaga family is currently married with the royal House of Savoy-Aosta. Prince Giberto Arrivabenne-Valenti-Gonzaga's wife is the daughter of Prince Amadeo of Savoy-Aosta.
Philip Andrew Genovese is a major pedophile living in Massachusetts and he is the grandson of Vito Genovese the founder of the Genovese crime family which works with the Springfield Crew in Massachusetts. Philip Andrew Genovese oversees Philip Gigante and Andrew Gigante of the Genovese crime family.
Andrew Gigante is a top boss of the Genovese crime family which have infiltrated Wall Street and run high end prostitution rings. Gigante means giant. The Gigantes work with the Mara family which own the NY Giants. The mafia rig sports for their bets. The Mara family are Irish white collar mobsters connected with the Jesuits and they work with the Rooney family through marriage which are white collar Irish mobsters, businessmen, and politicians that ran the Yonkers Raceway for decades. Racetracks are often mafia headquarters used for money laundering. The mafia works with owners of racetracks which allow them to claim their criminal profits like from drug trafficking were gambling wins.
Philip Gigante is a mobster and mayor in Airmonte, NY. The Savoy-Aosta family are owners of the Gigantes which have operations in New Jersey while the Savoys which live in Switzerland and are the princes of Naples and Venice are the owners of the Genovese family with the Gigantes being second in command. The Savoy-Aostas are also the Dukes of Apulia. The Apulian Mafia or Sacra Corona Unita mafia have deeply infiltrated New Jersey and work with the DeCavalcante crime family of New Jersey.
Liborio Bellomo is a high level mafia boss in the Genovese crime family. Liborio Bellomo spreads insane lies into society like a virus. Bellomo is from a Sicilian noble family and there is still a Bellomo castle in Syracuse, Sicily today. Bellomo operates out of the Bronx and oversees many African American gangs and mafias including a large gang ran by the criminal rapper Papoose out of Bedford–Stuyvesant, Brooklyn. This Bed-Stuy black mafia are major gun traffickers in New York.
Vincent Badalemeti is a ruthless and murderous boss of the Bonanno crime family. The Bonannos have an alliance with the Ceritto crime family which have moved from California to Texas. The owners of the Bonannos are the Boncompagni-Ludovisi family of Rome. Bon-compagni translates to good fellow or Goodfella which is a term for made men.
Joseph Merlino is one of the top bosses in Atlantic City and oversees Ft Lauderdale from Boca Rotan. The Merlinos were involved in building many of the casinos in Atlantic City including Trumps casinos. Donald Trump works with the Philly crime family and his Counselor Kellyanne Conway's grandfather was an associate of the Philly crime family. Merlino works with the Israeli white collar mobster and billionaire owner of the Miami Heat Micky Arison. Merlino also works with black street gangs run by the gangster rapper Cassidy who was convicted of involuntary manslaughter for what was originally a murder charge. The Gaetani family are owners of the Philly Mob and the Merlinos. Trump is friends with Prince Gaetani d’Aragona Lovatelli and his ex wife dated him for years. Lovatelli just as Philly is called the City of Brotherly Love.
Joseph Ligambi is a high level consiglieri for the Philly Mob and he works with the Jewish billionaire and owner of the Philadelphia Eagles Jeffrey Lurie who rigs games for the mafias bets. Joseph Ligambi also works with the Jewish billionaire Joshua Harris who is an owner of the Philadelphia 76's and co founder of Apollo Global Management with the Jesuit educated Knight of Malta Tony Ressler. Ligambi has similar ancestry as the Gambinos and has Philly mobsters loyal to him including George Borgesi, Joseph Massimino, and Mikey Lancelotti and all of their names refer to the Roman noble families; the Borgheses, Massimos, and Massimo-Lancellottis which are owners of the Gambinos.
John Gotti Jr. is a high level member of the modern Commission. He works with 50 Cent who runs both Bloods and Crips on the East Coast. Gotti Jr. and 50 Cent can be seen hanging out together. Gotti Jr. operates out of Long Island and manages Jewish billionaires and businessmen in New York through blackmail and extortion. The mafia uses violence to control wealth. This creates a layer of protection for the owners of the mafia which are the Black Nobility of Rome. The mafia provides children and underage sex workers to pedophiles in business and politics while taping them in the act and then use this to blackmail them. They use violence, blackmail, and extortion to control wealth. John Gotti is an extremely dangerous coward that controls other men through faggotry. Faggotry really means men raping other men to control them. Faggot derives from the word Fasces where the word Fascism also derived. Many Jewish billionaires are working with mafia including the child murdering pedophile Michael Bloomberg.
Louis Vallario is a Gambino street boss from Brooklyn working under the Gottis and he manages the Brooklyn born record producer Jimmy Iovine. Jimmy Iovine is an associate of the Gottis and Gambinos and he manages Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg. Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg are top bosses of the West Coast Crips and they are extremely evil. Jimmy Iovine who is worth over 900 million is close friends with Dre who is worth about 700 million. Dr. Dre and the Crips are involved in human trafficking and pedophilia cults. They use faggotry to control other men. Dr. Dre is a major faggot and pedophile. This makes him extremely insecure and dangerous.
John Gotti III is a MMA fighter working with the UFC and has infiltrated mixed martial arts industry which is used for rigging fights for bets and recruiting mafia enforcers. Gotti III is ruthless and murderous.
Dennis Pappas is a high level criminal associate of the Colombo crime family and works as a financier and law adviser for Cosa Nostra. Dennis Pappas was convicted of racketeering and tax evasion and later worked for the wealthy Venetian Cipriani family who were also investigated and fined for tax evasion assisted by Pappas. Dennis Pappas worked as a high level executive of Cipriani USA which owns restaurants and nightclubs. The Ciprianis own clubs all over the world and are originally from Venice. They are likely worth billions. They moved their company headquarters to Luxembourg where there are banking secrecy laws. During Pappas original arrest in the 90's for racketeering he claimed he worked as a spy for the FBI involving 1993 World Trade Center bombing to blackmail them into getting a plea deal.
Salvatore DeLaurentis is the boss of the Chicago Outfit which has a covert alliance with the Los Zetas drug cartel. The Chicago Outfit also covertly runs many Vegas casinos today and use them for money laundering. The Chicago Outfit specializes in controlling democratic politicians including Clinton and Obama. Obama has business connections with Tony Rezko who was convicted of wire fraud, extortion, and corrupt solicitation. Obama is also friends with Alexi Giannoulias whose bank made loans worth millions to convicted mobsters Michael Giorango and Demitri Stavropoulos. The Chicago Outfit has agents that have infiltrated the Chicago police department and the Chicago Mafia also works with various black street gangs which move drugs for them.
James Inendino is a Chicago mobster operating out of Cicero right next to Chicago. They have a headquarters at the Hawthorne Race Course in Cicero owned by the Carey family. Hawthorne was involved in the 70's in gambling rings and an arson to cover it up.
Peter DiFronzo is a Chicago mobster and brother of the recently deceased mafia boss John DiFronzo. John DiFronzo owned car dealerships which the mafia use for moving stolen vehicles which they use to transport drugs and for human trafficking. They use dealer plates to move around these stolen vehicles. The Chicago Outfit is covertly involved in pedophilia rings and child trafficking and they blackmail politicians and businessmen that are propped up with videos of them molesting children.
The Fertitta family with Frank Fertitta III, Lorenzo Fertitta, Tilman Fertitta are billionaires and members of the Galveston crime family and run the UFC. The Fertittas married with the Maceo crime family of Galveston, Texas. The Ferttitas operate in Nevada and Texas. The Fertittas also own Station Casinos which operates in Vegas. They use casinos for money laundering. Casinos are rigged. Dan Caldwell is an Irish mobster and owner of Tapout. Caldwell works with the Fertittas and Irish Mafia and he is extremely evil. Dan Caldwell is a psycho. Tillman Fertitta is the owner of the Houston Rockets and manages James Harden who is a ruthless satanic psychopath and mafia associate that defends the Fertittas. James Harden is a horrible person.
Vincent Civella is a high level made man in the Kansas City crime family which have operations in Missouri, Texas, and Nevada. The Sansone family are members of the Kansas City crime family with Michael Sansone and Anthony Sansone as made men and they have white collar mafia relatives running a large real estate company in Missouri. The mafia infiltrates everything including real estate. They have rackets in nearly every industry.
Vincenzo Isoldi is a Camorra mobster in Pittsburgh and associate of the Pittsburgh crime family. The Pittsburgh crime family runs the Jewish billionaire Mark Cuban who owns the Dallas Mavericks. Mark Cuban was originally from Pittsburgh and he is involved in rigging games for the mafias bets. The Borghese, Torlonia, and Rocco di Torrepadula families are owners of the mafia in Pittsburgh sometimes called the LaRocca crime family and the Torlonias also own the Kansas City crime family which have criminal operations in Dallas. The Torlonias are a continuation of the ancient Conti di Segni family and Gregorio Conti founded the Pittsburgh crime family. The Torlonias are the Princes of Civitella Cesi. The Civella family were founding members of the Kansas City crime family. Civitella and Civella both mean owl. The Hunt family own the Kansas City Chiefs and are also connected with Dallas. The Chiefs CEO and President Clark Hunt was born in Dallas.
Victoria Gotti is a female member of Cosa Nostra. Female members of the mafia are directly involved with pedophilia, child trafficking, and murdering children. Victoria Gotti is really evil and ruthless.
Carmine Agnello is a Gambino-Gotti associate and made man in the Cleveland crime family. Agnello and the Cleveland mafia infiltrate blue collar industries. Carmine Agnello is extremely evil. The Gaetanis are part owners of the Gottis. The Gaetanis are married with the billionaire Agnelli-Elkann family with Ginevra Elkann the granddaughter of Gianni Agnelli married to Prince Giovanni Gaetani dell'Aquila d'Aragona.
Frank Agnello-Gotti is a high level made men in the Gambino crime family and they also manage the Albanian Mafia with his brothers Carmine and John.
Carmine Agnello-Gotti is a high level mobster. The Gottis are considered royalty among the Italian Mafia.
John Agnello-Gotti is likely the head of the Gotti-Agnellos. John Agnello-Gotti is a murderous thug.
John Alite is a high level Albanian mobster and Gambino made man and hitman. Alite works with the Gottis and Gambinos and oversees factions of the Albanian Mafia. The Jewish-Albanian rapper named Action Bronson is a covert Albanian mafia boss and oversees a US faction of the Hellbanianz which are headquartered in London. The Hellbanianz oversee the Albanian Boys which are a national crime organization.
Chris Colombo runs prostitution rings, pedophilia rings, and specializes in blackmail. The Colombos also have a monopoly on cocaine trafficking. A man named Vincent Martello works with the Colombos in the Greenwich and Long Island area. He runs an intelligence network for Cosa Nostra. He also makes threats on behalf of the mafia and is involved in trafficking children in the trunks of vehicles that he sells. The Colombos are an extremely evil and active crime family in New York City and they work closely with Jewish white collar mobsters which specialize in embezzlement, criminal financing, and infiltration.
Raymond Patriarca Jr. is a hidden boss of the New England crime family which have operations in Boston, Providence, and New Haven. They are involved in human trafficking, extortion, and blackmail. They are an extremely violent and oppressive mafia and they are allied with Jewish white collar mobsters, Irish Mafias in Boston including the Winter Hill Gang and the Puerto Rican Mafia in Boston headed up by the criminal Puerto Rican rapper Termanology or Daniel Carrillo who lives outside of Boston. The New England crime family work closely with the Romney family and with Bain Capital and Bain & Company through Stephen Pagliuca a co-founder of Bain Capital and owner of the Boston Celtics. Romney's Bain Capital was originally financed by offshore accounts from Latin American businessmen including associates of the Puerto Rican Mafia. Raymond Patriarca Jr. is Italian-Irish and has a Jewish wife.
Carmen Dinunzio is a top boss of the New England crime family and its Boston faction. Carmen Dinunzio works with the Jewish-Zionist billionaire Robert Kraft the owner of the New England Patriots. Tom Brady is a criminal agent of Kraft and he is involved in cheating and fixing games for the mafia's bets. Tom Brady also works with motorcycle gangs including the Iron Horseman and Hells Angels which traffic meth and also adrenochrome which Tom Brady consumes. The Patriots are known for fixing games with spying and deflating footballs during a game because they practiced with deflated balls giving them an advantage. Robert Kraft has donated large amounts of money to the Jesuit colleges Boston College and College of the Holy Cross. The primary owners of the New England crime family are the Bourbon-Two Sicilies family and their ancestors officially established the Jesuits.
Frank Colacurcio Jr. runs the sex trafficking industry including trafficking of children in the North West part of the US including in northern California, Oregon, Washington, and Alaska. The Coacurcios own a lot of strip clubs in Seattle used as fronts for brothels. The Seattle crime family works with Aryan Brotherhood gangs, Nazis, and Yakuza. There is a large scale human trafficking network from Asia to the West Coast with members of the mercenary company United Resources Group involved. Yakuza and Triads have also infiltrated the ports on the West Coast. The Palin family in Alaska are heavily involved in human trafficking. The Seattle crime family also works with Bill Gates and Jeff Bezos who finance and participate in human trafficking. They use their collective hundreds of billions to bribe police and government agents.
Vincent Loscalzo is a top member of the Trafficante crime family of Florida. The Trafficantes work with the Cuban Mafia and are involved with cocaine trafficking with the Cuban Jesuit Fanjul family of sugar manufacturers. They conceal cocaine as sugar. The Trafficantes work with the CIA and have operations and casinos in Cuba. Cuba is a hide out for mobsters. The CIA also fakes deaths of high profile criminals which hide out in Cuba like the ruthless mobster and rapper Lesane Parish Crooks. The Trafficantes also work with the New Orleans crime family which are major human traffickers and specialize in murder and disposing of bodies. The New Orleans crime family has an alliance with the Gulf Cartel.
Chris Paciello is a former mafia hitman and currently a night club owner in Miami, Florida. Paciello is still a member of Cosa Nostra and works covertly with the Trafficantes. He also manages the criminal rapper Rick Ross who took his name from the drug trafficker Freeway Ricky Ross. Trina is a female member of the African American mafia in Miami and is involved in child trafficking and child murder. The rapper Rick Ross can be seen hanging out with Chris Paciello on numerous occasions at Paciello's Miami clubs.
Joseph Caridi is a high level member of the Lucchese crime family which have a monopoly on the heroin market. The Luccheses own a funeral home called Joseph A Lucchese Funeral Home with a crematorium in the Bronx which they use for disposing of bodies. Joseph Lucchese is a member of the Lucchese crime family and he disposes of bodies in his crematorium and also murders people by burning them alive. The Luccheses are probably the most murderous mafia on the planet. They work with the Corsican Mafia which are headquartered in Baltimore. They import opium and heroin mostly through the ports on the East Coast and Thomas Gambino-Lucchese Jr. also traffics in heroin through Mexico.
Joseph Lubrano is a high level Lucchese mobster headquartered in Yonkers and he oversees rappers from Wu-Tang, Yonkers based D-Block, and the Harlem based Diplomats which are running the modern day Drug Council which is the head of the African American Mafia in the United States. D-Block which are from Yonkers are the head of the modern day Council. Confirmed members of the Drug Council include Jadakiss, Sheek Louch, Styles P, Ghostface Killah, and Jim Jones with his associate Hell Rell. The Yonkers based gangster rap group D-Block are the head of the modern Council and they work with Jay Z. They recently signed to Jay Z's record label.
Semion Mogilevich is a Jewish-Russian mafia boss headquartered in Budapest, Hungary. Mogilvech's mafia runs some Israeli Mafias and has a portion of authority over the IDF through former IDF Chief Benny Gantz whose family was from Hungary. Mogilvech has owned a military arms manufacturing plant and this mafia also specializes in making snuff films. The Austrian House of Esterhazy and Lucchesi-Palli family are owners of the Mogilevich Mafia.
Alimzhan Tokhtakhunov is a Russian Mafia boss with operations in Monte Carlo, Monaco. Tokhtakhunov is an associate of the Corleonisi mafia clan of Sicily which also have operations in Monte Carlo where they launder their criminal profits through casinos. The royal family of Monaco the Grimaldis previously ruled in Genoa which ruled in the Black Sea region and they had relationships with the Romanovs and Khazarian nobles. Putin is a close friend with Prince Albert II of Monaco. Tokhtakhunov has admitted to meeting Putin.
Kwok Wing-hung is a Chinese Triad boss. The Triads have operations on the West Coast in the US and have infiltrated the ports. They are involved with human trafficking of Asian women and children. They are also involved in thefts, protection rackets, and manufacturing and selling knock offs of high end goods. Prince Francesco Luca Costa Sanseverino di Bisignano is from a Sicilian noble family and he was born in and resides in Hong Kong overseeing the Triads. Most mafias are managed by Cosa Nostra and pay them tributes. Cosa Nostra means "Our Thing" which refers to the Italian criminal's monopolization of organized crime.
submitted by AhuwahZeus to CasualNewWorldOrder [link] [comments]

The Greatest Sport On Earth - A guide to the best fights in boxing history

Nothing beats a great fight. Not football, not soccer, not baseball. Want to put this to the test? If your neighbors were throwing down on your lawn during the Super Bowl, your living room would be empty before someone could shout out World Star.
What follows below is a comprehensive list of the greatest fights of all time. Not all fights are created equally. Some are here for different reasons. They will be labeled as such.
One thing you will learn is that great fights are always happening. If you like Rocky type of violence, you only need to tune into any card 3 hours early and watch young kids desperately try to make their names against veterans who are clinging onto their meek stance in the sport.
Let's get right into things:

The Classics

Below is a list of the generally agreed upon greatest fights. If you’re on the fence or brand new to boxing, this is the first list of fights you should look at. Below have stood the test of time. The events of the fights below leave a lasting impression. They never leave the mind. They require revisiting again and again because full appreciation of the brutality, of the artistry, of the drama cannot be drunk in just one gulp.

Marvin Hagler 60(50)-2-2 vs Tommy Hearns 40(34)-1

12 rounds WBC world middleweight title WBA world middleweight title IBF world middleweight title April 15, 1985 Cesar Palace, Las Vegas, Nevada YouTube HBO Legendary Nights

Diego Corrales 39(32)-2 vs Jose Luis Castillo 52(46)-6-1

12 rounds WBC world lightweight title WBO world lightweight title May 7, 2005 Mandalay Bay Resort & Casino, Las Vegas, Nevada YouTube

Arturo Gatti 34(28)-5 vs Micky Ward 37(27)-11

10 rounds super lightweight division May 18, 2002 Mohegan Sun Casino, Uncasville, Connecticut YouTube

Alexis Arguello 72(59)-5 vs Aaron Pryor 31(29)-0

15 rounds WBA world super lightweight title November 12, 1982 Orange Bowl, Miami, Florida YouTube HBO Legendary Nights

Muhammad Ali 31(25)-0 vs Joe Frazier 26(23)-0 I

15 rounds WBC world heavyweight title WBA world heavyweight title March 8, 1971 Madison Square Garden, New York, New York YouTube

Bobby Chacon 50(42)-6-1 vs Rafael Limon 50(37)-12-2 IV

15 rounds WBC world super featherweight title December 11, 1982 Memorial Auditorium, Sacramento, California YouTube

Erik Morales 35(28)-0 vs Marco Antonio Barrera 49(36)-2

12 rounds WBC world super bantamweight title WBO world super bantamweight title February 19, 2000 Mandalay Bay Resort & Casino, Las Vegas, Nevada YouTube

Riddick Bowe 31(27)-0 vs Evander Holyfield 28(22)-0

12 rounds WBC world heavyweight title WBA world heavyweight title IBF world heavyweight title November 13, 1992 Thomas & Mack Center, Las Vegas, Nevada YouTube HBO Legendary Nights

Israel Vazquez 41(30)-3 vs Rafael Marquez 36(32)-3

12 rounds WBC world super bantamweight title March 3, 2007 Home Depot Center, Carson, California YouTube

Ray Leonard 30(21)-1 vs Thomas Hearns 32(30)-0

15 rounds WBC world welterweight title WBA world welterweight title September 16, 1981 Caesars Palace, Outdoor Arena, Las Vegas, Nevada YouTube HBO Legendary Nights

Salvador Sanchez 33(27)-1-1 vs Danny Lopez 42(39)-3

12 rounds WBC world featherweight title February 2, 1980 Veteran’s Memorial Coliseum, Phoenix, Arizona YouTube

Julio Cesar Chavez 68(56)-0 vs Meldrick Taylor 24(14)-0-1

12 rounds WBC world super lightweight title IBF world super lightweight title March 17, 1990 Hilton Hotel, Las Vegas, Nevada YouTube

Muhammad Ali 48(34)-2 vs Joe Frazier 32(27)-2

15 rounds WBC world heavyweight title WBA world heavyweight title October 1, 1975 Amanita Coliseum, Barangay Cubao, Quezon City, Metro Manila, Philippines YouTube

Historical Classics

These fights are all pre-1980. Some are in black and white. None are any less brutal than the fights below or above.

Joe Louis 35(29)-1 vs Max Schmeling 52(37)-7-4 II

15 rounds World heavyweight title Yankee Stadium, Bronx, New York June 22, 1938 YouTube

Carmen Basilio 51(25)-12-7 vs Sugar Ray Robinson 140(91)-5-2

15 rounds World middleweight title September 23, 1957 Yankee Stadium, Bronx, New York YouTube

Rocky Graziano 45(34)-7-5 vs Tony Zale 63(41)-16-2 II

15 rounds World middleweight title July 16, 1947 Chicago Stadium, Chicago, Illinois YouTube

Carmen Basilio 47(21)-11-7 vs Tony DeMarco 47(30)-6-1

15 rounds World welterweight title November 30, 1955 Boston Garden, Boston, Massachusetts YouTube

Rocky Marciano 42(37)-0 vs Joe Walcott 51(32)-16-2

15 rounds World heavyweight title September 23, 1952 Municipal Stadium, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania YouTube

Jack Dempsey 52(42)-4-9 vs Luis Firpo 25(21)-2

15 rounds NYSAC world heavyweight title September 14, 1923 Polo Grounds, New York, New York YouTube

Joe Louis 54(46)-1 vs Billy Conn 62(13)-10-1

15 rounds World heavyweight title June 19, 1946 Yankee Stadium, Bronx, New York YouTube

Ray Robinson 128(84)-1-2 vs Randy Turpin 40(29)-2-1 I

15 rounds World middleweight title July 10, 1951 Earls Court Arena, Kensington, London, United Kingdom YouTube

Gene Tunney 54(44)-5-9 vs Jack Dempsey 63(47)-1-1 II

10 rounds National Boxing Association World heavyweight title September 22, 1927 Soldiers Field, Chicago, Illinois YouTube

Emile Griffith 52(18)-7 vs Nino Benevenuti 71(30)-1

15 rounds WBC world middleweight title WBA world middleweight title April 17, 1967 Madison Square Garden, New York, New York YouTube

Muhammad Ali 44(31)-2 vs George Foreman 40(37)-0

15 rounds WBC world heavyweight title WBA world heavyweight title October 30, 1974 State du 20 Mai, Kinshasa, Democratic Republic of the Congo YouTube

Rocky Marciano 42(37)-0 vs Joe Walcott 51(32)-16-2

15 rounds World heavyweight title September 23, 1952 Municipal Stadium, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania YouTube

George Foreman 40(37)-1 vs Ron Lyle 31(22)-3-1

15 rounds vacant NABF heavyweight title January 24, 1976 Caesars Palace, Las Vegas, Nevada YouTube

Contemporary Classics

These fights are a little more recent. Mostly post 80s, but certainly deserving of being in a separate category of classic fights.

Roberto Duran 71(56)-1 vs Ray Leonard 27(18)-0

15 rounds WBC world welterweight title June 20, 1980 Olympic Stadium, Montreal, Quebec, Canada YouTube

Nigel Benn 39(32)-2-1 vs Gerald McClellan 31(29)-2

12 rounds WBC world super middleweight title February 25, 1995 New London Arena, Millwall, London, United Kingdom YouTube

Marvin Hagler 61(51)-2-2 vs John Mugabi 25(25)-0

12 rounds WBC world middleweight title WBA world middleweight title IBF world middleweight title March 10, 1986 Caesars Palace, Outdoor Arena, Las Vegas, Nevada YouTube

Salvador Sanchez 43(31)-1-1 vs Azumah Nelson 13(10)-0

15 rounds WBC world featherweight title July 21, 1982 Madison Square Garden, New York, New York YouTube

Herol Graham 43(26)-2 vs Julian Jackson 40(38)-1

12 rounds vacant WBC world middleweight title November 24, 1990 Torrequebrada Hotel & Casino, Benalmádena, Andalucia, Spain YouTube

Hector Camacho 28(15)-0 vs Edwin Rosario 28(24)-1

12 rounds WBC world lightweight title June 13, 1986 Madison Square Garden, New York, New York YouTube

Roberto Duran 84(61)-7 vs Iran Barkley 25(16)-4

12 rounds WBC world middleweight title February 24, 1989 Convention Center, Atlantic City, New Jersey YouTube
Note: I typically do not re-watch fights. I have a few that I do for sentimental reasons, but on the whole I don't watch fights more than once if I don't have to. I've provided some blurbs below from what I can remember of fights. As I remember more, I'll continue to add them in. Nearly all of these fights are on YouTube.

Heavyweight Brawls

Everyone loves a good heavyweight scrap, right? I can't be as detailed with the rest of the lists (you'll soon see why) so if one of these interests you, you're gonna have to do the googling yourself. Anyway, this is part of the fun of boxing anyway. Simply watching a brawl isn't always enough. There's nothing quite like watching a back and forth fight with some emotional investment or having something at stake in the fight. I recommend from here on out you research these fighters. You might spoil the result, but most of these fights stand alone. Even if you know the result they're nearly all exciting.
  • Ike Ibeabuchi vs David Tua
  • Lamon Brewster vs Siarhei Liakhovich
  • Michael Moorer vs Bert Cooper
  • Tommy Morrison vs Razor Rudduck
  • Tommy Morrison vs Joe Hipp
  • Ron Lyle vs Ernie Shavers
  • Lennox Lewis vs Vitali Klitschko
  • Derrick Jefferson vs Maurice Harris
  • Jumbo Cummings vs Frank Bruno

The 80s

It's going to be rare to find any of these fights in crystal clear HD, but I don't think it's necessary. Knockouts are knockouts.
  • Matthew Saad Muhammad vs Yaqui Lopez II (I can't remember where I read this, but someone said "You know a guy is guaranteed fireworks when his name is Yaqui.")
  • Freddie Pendleton vs Frankie Randall
  • Rocky Kelly vs Tony Brown
  • Bernardo Pinango vs Frankie Duarte
  • Michael Carbajal vs Will Grigsby
  • Art Jimmerson vs Lenny LaPaglia (There is very little defense in this one.)
  • Freddie Roach vs Tommy Cordova (Watching Freddie Roach fight will tell you all you need to know about how he trains.)
  • Bobby Chacon vs Cornelius Boza Edwards
  • Edwin Rosario vs Jose Luis Ramirez

The 90s

Okay, quality is steadily increasing.
  • Johnny Tapia vs Paulie Ayala (A lot of sites list this among the classics list at the very top. I'm not going to go that far because I like balance.)
  • Marco Antonio Barrera vs Kennedy McKinney (This is the first fight ever on HBO's Boxing After Dark. It's a highly tactical war.)
  • Pernell Whitaker vs Jose Luis Ramirez (Who said defense wasn't fun?)
  • Junior Jones vs Kennedy McKinney
  • Israel Vazquez vs Marcos Licona
  • Michael Carbajal vs Muanchai Kitikasem
  • Micky Ward vs Reggie Green (If we were going to put together a list of the fighters who went the farthest on heart alone, Micky Ward would be somewhere in the top 10)
  • Naseem Hamed vs Kevin Kelley (The Prince was a special fighter. You'll see why.)
  • Marlon Starling vs Maurice Blocker (significant for Roach vs Futch)
  • Arturo Gatti vs Wilson Rodriguez (Gatti is guaranteed entertainment. Here is another shining example of why you don't hook with a hooker.)
  • Jorge Arce vs Michael Carbajal
  • Oscar De La Hoya vs Shane Mosley (Two of the top pound-for-pound fighters get together and take turns putting a beating on the other guy. Oscar's jab was such a thing of beauty in the 90s that Mosley complains of back pain from his neck snapping back.)
  • Erik Morales vs Daniel Zaragoza
  • Oscar De La Hoya vs Fernando Vargas (Lots and lots of drama in this one. Wild crowd takes it over the top.)

The 00s

  • Juan Manuel Marquez vs Juan Diaz I (All-out, aggressive, face-first offense walks into one of the greatest counter-punchers of all time. Guess what happens...)
  • Manny Pacquiao vs Erik Morales I & II (Before he became Manny Pacquiao, he had to go to school somewhere.)
  • Marco Antonio Rubio vs Enrique Ornelas (Traditional Mexican style war)
  • Silence Mabuza vs Yonnhy Perez
  • Fernando Montiel vs Luis Melendez (Montiel used to be a bad little man)
  • Roman Martinez vs Daniel Jimenez
  • Joe Calzaghe vs Mikkel Kessler (Fantastic fight featuring an established champion and a young up-and-comer)
  • Adonis Stevenson vs Anthony Bonsante
  • Hassan N’Dam N’Jikam vs Would Guarras
  • Bernard Hopkins vs Felix Trinidad (You've got to read about the build-up around the fight. This was one of the first sporting events after September 11.)
  • Carl Thompson vs Sebastiaan Rothmann
  • Luis Concepcion vs Hernan Marquez II (This is what happens when you mix gasoline and fire)
  • Giovani Segura vs Ivan Calderon I (All-out offense vs a defensive master.)
  • Giovani Segura vs Hernan Marquez (All-out offense vs all-out offense)
  • Giovanni Segura vs Cesar Chinchilla I (All-out offensive vs more offense)
  • Rogers Mtagwa vs Artom Simony
  • John Duddy vs Yori Boy Campas
  • Carl Thompson vs Ezra Sellers
  • Alex Stewart vs Ezra Sellers
  • Micky Ward vs Emanuel Augustus (An absolute must-watch. It probably could qualify as a classic. If you're a new fan, these fighters are required watches.)
  • Alex Arthur vs Michael Gomez (This is a wild fight with an even crazier crowd. The atmosphere is truly special.)
  • Paul Samuels vs Cello Renda I
  • Satoshi Hosono vs Hiroyuki Enoki
  • Tomas Villa vs Rogers Mtgawa
  • Daniel Edouard vs Willie Gibbs
  • Kelly Pavlik vs Jermain Taylor (The emergence of a monster dismantles the boxer.)
  • James Toney vs Vassiliy Jirov (The counter punching master revival)
  • Carl Froch vs Jean Pascal (This is a brutal fight between two guys looking to make a name.)
  • Felix Trinidad vs Fernando Vargas (The Puerto Rican superstar controversial stops a Mexican warrior)
  • Felix Trinidad vs Ricardo Mayorga (The Puerto Rican superstar gets his chance to shut Mayorga's mouth up.)
  • Antonio Margarito vs Miguel Cotto (One of the most controversial and bloody fights in recent memory.)
  • Joel Casamayor vs Michael Katsidis (Katsidis knows one thing and he knows it well.)
  • Graham Earl vs Michael Katsidis (This is a Katsidis fight so you know what to expect.)
  • Carl Froch vs Jermain Taylor (A dramatic fight with a big finish.)

2010 to Now

  • Sergio Martinez vs Paul Williams I (Two of the most avoided fighters in boxing meet since nobody else would fight them. The result is magical.)
  • Tim Bradley vs Ruslan Provodnikov (A dramatic and brutal fight between two of the toughest warriors in the sport.)
  • Manny Pacquiao vs Juan Manuel Marquez IV (The conclusion to their epic series is the best installment of the series.)
  • Orlando Salido vs Juan Manuel Lopez (Mexico vs Puerto Rico does it again.)
  • Brandon Rios vs Mike Alvarado I (Not much technical boxing going on here. Just a classic slugfest.)
  • Marcos Maidana vs Victor Ortiz (Nobody deserves to take a beating like these guys took.)
  • Orlando Salido vs Terdsak Kokietgym (I lost count of the knockdowns.)
  • Francisco Rodriguez Jr vs Katsunari Takayama (Takayama only knows how to fight like his life is on the line.)
  • Mike Alvarado vs Breidis Prescott (A brutal fight.)
  • Marcos Madiana vs Josesito Lopez (Another classic slugfest from Maidana.)
  • Marco Huck vs Krzysztof Glowacki (A long reigning champion meets a young hungry lion.)
  • Adrien Broner vs Marcos Maidana (Adrien Broner stands toe-to-toe with Marcos Maidana. The winner earns a shot at Floyd Mayweather.)
  • Carl Froch vs Mikkel Kessler I & II (Two elite super middleweights have a pair of classic wars.)
  • Lucas Matthysse vs John Molina (Molina tells everyone he's not afraid of Matthysse and has power of his own. Then the bell rings.)
  • Erik Morales vs Marcos Maidana (A throwback performance from a legendary Mexican warrior against one of the hardest punchers in the sport.)
  • Victor Ortiz vs Josesito Lopez (Ortiz brings offense. Lopez brings more.)
  • Tommy Coyle vs Daniel Brizuela (A wild back and forth fight with enough knockdowns for this entire list.)
  • Victor Ortiz vs Andre Berto ("Oh my god!")
  • Terence Crawford vs Yuriorkis Gamboa (Two elite boxers meet for a wild back-and-forth fight.)
  • Orlando Salido vs Roman Martinez I (Mexico vs Puerto Rico. Enough said.)
  • Chris John vs Daud Yordan (The long reigning paper champion of Indonesia loses some years off his career.)
  • Derry Mathews vs Tommy Coyle (A wild fight.)
  • Omar Figueroa vs Nihito Arakawa (There is literally no defense in this fight.)
  • Robert Guerrero vs Yoshihiro Kamegai (See above.)
submitted by noirargent to Boxing [link] [comments]

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